


Suit vs Jacket

by superslayer



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-08
Updated: 2012-05-08
Packaged: 2017-11-05 01:54:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/400642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superslayer/pseuds/superslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Suit and a Jacket battle for awesomeness in a skirt chasing competition with surprising outcomes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Man in town

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Supernatural - all characters and products belong to Warner Bros/Eric Kripke. How I Met Your Mother belongs to Carter Bays and Craig Thomas. This is a work of fanfiction, no profit or sale is being made. Strictly for entertainment purposes.

 

Barney Stinson strolled into MacClaren’s Pub on a Friday night in his dark blue pinstripe Armani suit and impeccably matched shirt and tie. He flashed a confident, charming smile as the pub was packed with an assortment of young and hot ladies drowning their dateless sorrows in an abundance of fruity cocktails. He glanced at his watch and widened his smile. It was early and there were plenty of ladies in the pub. He scoped his sights over the bar and saw two very attractive brunettes sitting on opposite sides. He shifted his eyes over them for several minutes.

“Hmm, eight o’clock and nine o’ clock......oh who am I kidding, eight o’clock and ten fifteen!”

Barney chuckled as he set his sights on a blonde girl in a delicious red dress sitting in a booth all by herself. 

“Well, well,” he said as he sauntered through the pub. 

As he met the blonde girl’s eyes, he flashed a smirk as he slipped into the seat across from her. 

“Eating alone? That should be such a crime for a gorgeous gal like you.”

“Um, actually, I’m not eating alone, I have company but he’s in the bathroom right now.”

Barney threw his arms back along the booth, completely undaunted by her veiled rejection. He had heard the old ‘friend in the bathroom’ excuse before from the ladies but he never let that deter him. It just presented more of a challenge for him to dial up his charm and in the end, if that “friend” existed and was hot, well hey, more fun for him anyway. 

 

Dean picked up his beer from the bar and the way back from the men’s room. He weaved through a thick throng of ladies, flashing his winning smile until he spotted his seat at the corner booth occupied, by someone very familiar, someone very ANNOYING. He shook his head as he spilled out of the crowd and ambled up to the table. 

“You’re in my seat - Stencil,” he barked.

Barney glanced at the blonde before slowly shifting his eyes to the guy at the table. His charming smile faded in a flash and shifted into a glare of disgust. 

“Winchester,” Barney growled. 

Barney glanced over Dean and blinked several times in astonishment, almost thinking he had been thrown back in time. Except for having a lighter shade of blonde hair, Winchester looked exactly the same in his worn denim jeans, a faded tee shirt beneath a – good god – flannel shirt from one of those filthy second hand stores and a weather beaten brown leather jacket. He shuddered for several minutes before he noticed Dean glaring disapprovingly at him. He shot to his feet and glared deeply at Dean as he edged out of the booth.

Dean briefly looked over Barney, still wearing those lame designer suits that made him feel like a man. He shook his head again as he waved Barney away.

“Beat it Stencil, take the loss and move on.”

Dean flashed a smug smile before he took a sip from his beer. Barney gulped down his frazzled nerves as he noticed several groups of ladies checking Winchester out. 

“What are you doing in New York?”

Dean deepened his smug smile. 

“Why? You scared the girls in this town are going to find out what a REAL man is and not the fallacy you hide behind that stupid suit? Just like I showed them at those bars in Chicago and Michigan AND Miami,” he boasted, widening his smug smile even more. 

Barney blew out fumes through his nostrils as he edged closer to Dean.

“This is my town Winchester.”

“It’s New York, it’s everyone’s town and I’m throwing a welcoming party starting with her. So, scoot your Suit out of here and let me educate the ladies.”

Dean pushed passed Barney and slipped back in the booth. Barney balked in offense as Dean smiled at the blonde across from him. After a minute, Dean shot his eyes up to Barney and glared at him with annoyance.

“You need something Stencil?”

Barney cleared his throat and straightened his tie as he backed away from the table. He swung around and met the sparkling eyes of a luscious lady with strawberry blonde hair staring at him from a small two top table. He flashed a charming smile and sauntered confidently over to her table. 

“Hey there pretty lady. I saw you looking at me, you like what you see in this very expensive designer suit?”

The strawberry blonde smiled. 

“Um, who’s your friend?”

Barney stared at her as she shifted her eyes over his shoulder. As his stomach turned into knots, he twisted around to see Dean still chatting up the blonde. 

“Is that his date?”

“What? Oh no, no, he isn’t into dating girls, he just wants to see them from the inside out if you know what I mean, you wouldn’t like him, he’s a total selfish jerk, I mean look at him in those filthy rags he calls clothes. A nice down to earth girl like you would just get her heart smashed.”

The girl widened her smile as her eyes sparked.

“Well, I’m not looking to date anyone right now. I’m kind of in need of a distraction from this bad relationship I just got out of and well, THAT is a mighty distraction.”

Barney stamped down the disgust in his throat as Dean caught the girl looking at him. She smiled and slipped out of her seat.

“Excuse me,” she said.

Barney opened his mouth and watched as the girl skipped over to the table. After a few minutes, Dean eyed the girl then the blonde across from him before he made a comment. The two girls eyed each other for a long minute as Barney blinked with recognition. He widened his eyes as anxiety gripped his throat when the two girls shrugged.

“No, no, not the double play!” he cried softly.

Dean jumped out of the booth as the two girls hung on him. He caught Barney staring and smiled smugly at him. He paused by Barney and leaned toward him.

“Told you Stencil,” he whispered. “Jacket beats Suit, every time, no matter what city you’re in I’m always going to kick – your – ass.”

Dean chuckled as he tugged the two girls out of the pub. Barney scoffed loudly as Marshall and Lily wandered in to see the animosity on his face.

“What’s up Barney?” Marshall asked.

“Who are you spitting fire at?” Lily asked.

Barney stewed in his resentment as he stared outside the window where Winchester was groping his two dates. Barney widened his eyes in fury as Winchester caught him staring and threw a cocky smile at him before steering his attention back to the ladies. 

Marshall and Lily followed Barney’s sights. 

“Who is that?” Lily asked.

Barney clenched his jaw and shot an ireful look out the window as Dean strolled away with his two ladies.

“Jacket,” Barney grumbled.


	2. Return of the Jacket

Marshall and Lily exchanged looks as Ted strolled into the pub and ambled over to the group. The three settled at their usual booth as Barney continued to seethe and grumble while staring out the window. Ted shot an odd look at Barney before regarding Marshall and Lily. 

“What’s with him?”

Lily shrugged. 

“He’s moaning over a jacket.”

Marshall, who had drifted into thought, scratched his head before he widened his eyes in recognition. Ted glanced at Lily with great curiosity.

“A jacket?” Ted asked. 

Marshall shook his head as he glanced at Ted.

“No, not A jacket, THEE jacket,” he clarified.

Ted blinked with recognition before shining his shock.

“Seriously? Jacket is in town?”

Marshall nodded. “And apparently he struck as fast as lightning as soon as he got here.”

Ted shook his head in wonder.

“How does he always know where Barney is?”

Lily blew out a breath in exasperation as the guys tuned her out.

“WHO IS JACKET?!”

Barney slowly wandered over to the table and sat down next to Ted. He muttered very softly under his breath as he closed his eyes for a long minute. He heaved several deep breaths before he opened his eyes. He shifted into his calm, cool manner as the three looked at him. Lily frowned deeply.

“Somebody better tell me who Jacket is before I bust someone’s head open!” she growled.

Barney flashed back into his disgruntled frown.

“Jacket,” he grunted. 

Lily flared with fury as she yanked Barney by his tie and held a steak knife to it.

“Fess up now or the tie gets it! WHO – IS – JACKET?!”

Barney looked off as his mind flourished in a mess of memories. He frowned deeply as his eye ticked.

“The bane of my existence,” he groaned. 

Lily released her grip on Barney as his eye ticked rapidly. He settled back in his seat as his face tightened with hatred.

“The Vadar to my Obi-Wan,” he added.

Lily crinkled her brows. 

“Oh, so he’s an old friend of yours that turned…..bad?”

Barney scoffed deeply as he smoothed out the wrinkles in his tie.

“Hardly,” he protested. “Jacket is no friend of mine, he’s not even human in those deplorable fuh- fuh- fuh…..fuh-lannnn-nnn-llllll….”

Barney shuddered for a long minute as he displayed a queasy look. Lily flushed out an exasperated sigh. Marshall waved a hand and glanced at Lily.

“Jacket is who Barney would describe as…legen….”

He glanced at Ted who hitched his index finger up. 

“Wait for it…….” Ted sang.

Marshall and Ted looked up at the ceiling for a minute as Barney gasped in disgust. 

“Dary!” Ted and Marshall said in unison.

“Traitors,” he barked.

Barney shifted in his seat before he stumbled out of the booth. He adjusted his tie, scoffed before pivoting and storming out of the pub. Marshall and Ted eyed him before chuckling. 

“Okay, still in the head busting mode,” Lily warned.

“Jacket is one of Barney’s biggest rivals,” Marshall explained.

“Actually, he is THEE biggest rival of Barney’s in all things related to bedding an assortment of random hotties,” Ted pointed.

Lily blinked with disgust before she rolled her eyes.

“So Barney’s moaning and groaning over some guy in a jacket who’s going to narrow his chances of grossly sleeping with a bevy of dumb bar girls?”

“There’s a deeper history between Barney and Jacket,” Ted noted. “A couple years ago, Barney was in Chicago for some business conference, stops into this bar one night and it’s ladies aplenty, so being Barney he’s dishing out the suit magnetism, has this girl in his sights, makes his way over, about to move in when....”

Marshall whistled and made a crashing motion with his hand.

“Jacket comes strutting into the bar and snags the girl right from under him,” Marshall added.

“In under a minute,” Ted replied. “To this day Barney swears the girl was a non-casualty claiming she had some weird tick and there were plenty of other ladies around so it didn’t bother him, but you could tell it did.”

Marshall flashed a knowing look. “Yeah, it so did.”

“So a little while later, he sets his sights on another girl, is about to move in when...”

Marshall made the crashing motion again with his hand, “Jacket strikes again and WHOOSH!”

“So the whole night, it was like a bait and switch....”

“More like bait and steal,” Marshall pointed.

Ted chomped on his fry and flashed an amused grin.

“Right, anyway, every time Barney tried to make the play, Jacket kept stealing the base.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “So he had a bad night, I still don’t get why he was stewing in his suit.”

Marshall and Ted exchanged amused looks.

“Well, it wasn’t just one bad night,” Ted imparted. “About a year later, Barney was at another business conference in Michigan, stops into another bar where it happened to be ladies night, so the guy to girl ratio was in his favor, so off he goes into the playground picking out whomever his heart desired, when....”

“Jacket showed up,” Lily assessed.

“BIG TIME,” Marshall said. 

“So the same thing went on, Barney would set his eyes on a girl and Jacket would make the play.” 

Ted shook his head. 

“Then, last year, at another conference in Miami, Barney hit the bar scene thinking, there is no way Jacket would show up when....”

Lily made a crashing motion with her hand. “Like lightning.”

Marshall and Ted nodded. 

“And the same thing went on there too,” Ted remarked. “Which still begs the question, how does he always know where Barney is?”

All three looked off, thinking for a minute.

“Well, maybe he won’t be town in long,” Lily replied.

“A part of me hopes he won’t and another part of me hopes he will because to tell you the truth, I’d like to meet the notorious jacket in person,” Ted remarked. “I mean, just for sake of knowing what his name is. That big mystery would be resolved after all these years.”

Lily blinked in surprise. “You mean you don’t even know WHO he is?”

“No, Barney just calls him the Jacket,” Marshall answered. 

“Or the Heathen of Fashion,” Ted added.

“Hmm, I’m kind of curious now,” Lily admitted. “No offense to Barney but, you can’t call someone just Jacket and expect people to not be. I mean, sounds like a man of mystery to me.”

 

The next evening, Barney heaved a breath as he strolled into the pub in his black Dolce and Gabbana suit with an insanely gorgeous tie and matching shirt. He looked around at the thick crowds of people and let out a sigh of relief when he didn’t see Jacket lurking in the dark corners, also known as - his home. 

Barney drew a smug smile as he drifted into the pub and started scoping out his potential bedmates for the evening. There was a wickedly gorgeous brunette in a tight green knit sweater that she filled out three fold, a dirty blonde in a black dress with a ‘come hither’ look permanently knitted on her golden tanned face and a luscious auburn haired girl in a snug pair of jeans flaunting her nice little booty as she leaned against the bar.

“Hmm, what do I feel like tonight?”

Barney shifted his eyes over the three girls until he honed in on the dirty blonde. She took notice and smiled. Barney flashed a satisfied smile as he sauntered through a crowd and headed toward her, drumming up an opening line. When he spilled out of the crowd, his eyes widened with dread when Jacket smirked at him before slipping up beside the dirty blonde and viciously making his play. Barney gasped as the dirty blonde lit up with excitement and intense interest. 

“No, not the bait and steal.....not again.”

When Jacket met his eyes, Barney cleared his throat and straightened his tie. He pooled his confidence back in and settled his sights on Miss Green Sweater. After a minute, her eyes shifted to meet his and she beamed a shy smile. Barney pivoted toward her, weaving through a crowd. When he emerged from the crowd, he gasped out loud. There was Jacket, seated across from Miss Green Sweater, that smarmy smile on his face, reeking of that Salvation Army musk. 

Barney shuddered deeply as Jacket met his eyes and chuckled. Barney cleared his throat again as he struggled to maintain his confidence. 

Dean stared at him for a long minute before Barney shifted his eyes away. Dean followed Stencil’s line of sights and chuckled low under his breath. 

Barney noticed snug jeans at the bar and felt something unsettling in his stomach. When he glanced at Jacket sitting with Miss Green Sweater, he gulped. 

Dean slipped away from Miss Green Sweater and ambled up to bar, settling right next to Snug Jeans. 

Barney flared fury through his nostrils as he clenched his jaw.

“Jacket,” he grunted. “I hate the jacket.”

Barney watched in resentment as Jacket flirted shamelessly with Snug Jeans right in front of his face. 

A minute later, Dean sauntered through a crowd and walked over to Barney. 

Barney glared at Jacket who acknowledged a few girls tossing flirtatious smiles at him as they walked by. 

“What’s the matter Stencil, that stuffy suit of yours got your tongue?” Dean asked with a smug smile.

Barney felt his throat tightening with animosity as a pair of brunettes threw suggestive smiles at Jacket, completely oblivious to the expensive, charming suit in the bar. Barney sunk with disappointment as he felt his confidence wavering. 

“Hhh-how do you always know where I am?” he asked shakily.

Dean took a long sip of his beer as more ladies caught his eye. He fished through a pocket inside his jacket and flashed a photograph.

“Look familiar?” 

Barney blinked when he saw himself at the ball park flaunting a sign with his phone number.

“You want to hide from me Stencil, don’t go on national friggin’ television,” Dean remarked, widening his smug smile. “And definitely don’t put your damn address on the door stall of the staff ladies room in every strip club this side of the coast.”

Dean shook his head in wide amusement. 

“Because you never know if those suits of yours could go MISSING.”

Barney inhaled a deep gasp as his eyes widened.

“What did you do?”

Dean widened his smug smile even more as he simply sipped his beer. 

“What did you do? Why would you hurt such defenseless, gorgeous beauties? Why?”

Barney sniffed as Dean shrugged.

“Why not?”

Barney balked loudly.

“How could you?”

“You want to play twenty questions or do you want to save those stupid suits of yours from the fun little bonfire on the roof.”

Barney widened his eyes in horror. “You didn’t.”

Dean shrugged. 

“Maybe, maybe not.”

Barney stared at the ruthless, musky Jacket and gasped. 

“Better hurry Stencil, it’s pretty windy outside, could kick the flames up higher, ya know?”

Barney blinked with disbelief as his heart throbbed with pain. He bolted through the crowd and darted out of the pub, barreling into Marshall, Lily and Ted on the way. 

“Hey Bar...” Marshall said.

Barney gripped Marshall by the shoulders in a panic.

“NO TIME! Call the police!”

“What? Why? What happened?” Lily asked.

“Jacket,” Barney grunted.

Marshall, Lily and Ted watched Barney as he frantically ran down the street.

“Hold on my beauties! I’m on my way! Hold on!” Barney sniffed.

 

Back in the pub, Dean caught a glance of Stencil as he ran passed the window in a panic. He folded over and roared with laughter. 

“Life is just not as much fun without Stencil,” he said. 

Dean paused in his amusement as Snug Jeans and Green Sweater lingered by the bar. 

“I love New York,” he cheered softly before heading back to the bar.


	3. Everybody Loves a Jacket

Marshall, Ted and Lily blinked as Barney disappeared around a street corner. Ted widened his eyes with curiosity.

“Jacket is here!”

Marshall, Ted and Lily ambled into the pub and looked around. They all widened their eyes in astonishment as the pub was filled with guys in various jackets. 

“There are jackets everywhere!” Ted said incredulously. “Which one is he?”

Ted eyed Marshall and Lily. Lily shrugged.

“Don’t look at me, I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Ted sighed as Marshall studied the crowds of jackets. 

“I think it was a leather jacket,” Marshall remarked.

Ted blinked as he looked over all the guys in leather jackets.

“Okay that narrows it down to.....nothing.”

Ted shook his head as the three settled down at their usual table. He swept his eyes over each jacket in the pub as he scratched his head. 

“Oh, I forgot to order the extra fries,” he moaned. 

Ted got up and ambled away from the table as a crowd of people parted from the bar. He noticed a young guy in a worn brown leather jacket leaning against the bar counter, chatting with an attractive girl with short black hair. Ted snaked up to the bar and waited for the waitress as the black haired girl slipped away. 

Ted glanced at the guy in the jacket and nodded before he stared at him. The guy with streaks of dark blonde in his mainly golden hair eyed him suspiciously as he sipped from a beer. 

“I’m straight man so don’t waste your time,” he said.

Ted balked with offense.

“I wasn’t.....I’m straight, totally straight dude. You...you thought I was....”

The guy shrugged as he raked his eyes over the female bartender that swept by.

“Three second rule man, but if you really are straight, my honest mistake.”

Ted looked curiously at the guy. “Three second rule?”

The guy drew an amused expression. “Yeah you know, when a dude looks at another dude never let it linger beyond one second, cuz after two, you’re wanting a fight, at three and beyond you’re wanting to...”

He shot Ted a knowing look. 

“Oh, I wasn’t aware of that rule.”

“One of the top rules in the field man.”

Ted glanced at the bartender as she threw a flirtatious smile at the guy in the jacket. He blinked then sighed when the bartender ran off to take some more orders. He leaned on the bar and waited as a lanky guy in glasses pushed through a crowd and addressed the guy in the jacket. 

“Hey, you cut me off,” the lanky guy said.

The guy in the jacket sipped his beer and gave a cool look over the lanky guy. 

“That was my meter by the door and YOU viciously cut me off man, not to mention I caught you breaking speed limits AND running a red light. What is your name? I’m going to file a police report.”

Ted tapped his foot impatiently as he looked out for the bartender. 

“My name?”

“Yes, it is my duty as a citizen of New York to report reckless endangerments like you so what is your name?”

“It’s Alan, Alan Stanwyk.”

Ted blinked in recognition as the lanky guy repeated the name.

“You’re in for some hefty fines Alan Stanwyk!”

The lanky guy stormed out of the bar as the guy in the jacket chuckled with amusement. He noticed Ted’s stare of amazement.

“Dude, you used an alias from Fletch!” Ted roared.

“Oh, you know it, huh?”

Ted scoffed lightly. “Uh yeah, I had to recite ten of my favorite lines as part of an initiation into a secret film club in college.”

The guy in the jacket hitched up an eyebrow in curiosity.

“Secret film club?”

“Yeah.....”

Ted glanced at a waitress passing by and caught her attention. He eyed the towel slung in her apron.

“Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.”

The guy in the jacket chuckled as the waitress shot Ted an odd look before leaving.

“I guess you do know it,” he mused. 

Ted caught the bartender and placed his order. He shuffled through his wallet and slapped down a twenty, pushing it toward the guy in the jacket.

“Keep ten for yourself. Go and get yourself a nice piece of ass.”

The guy in the jacket ripped with laughter as he finished off his beer. He tapped on the twenty dollar bill and cracked an amused smile.

“For another grand, I’ll let you take me out to dinner.”

Ted widened his eyes. “Dude, you are awesome! Can I buy you a beer?”

The guy in the jacket shrugged. 

“Sure, why not?”

Ted flagged the bartender and ordered drinks. He turned to the cool guy in the jacket and introduced himself.

“I’m Ted, Ted Mosby.”

“Larry, Larry Kroger.”

Ted blinked in recognition. He widened his eyes in awe.

“Dude – Animal House!”

 

Marshall and Lily noticed Ted animatedly chatting with a good looking guy in a jacket at the bar. They exchanged glances as they chomped on appetizers. 

“What do you think that’s about?” Lily asked. 

Marshall shrugged as he stuffed his face. “Just making friends I guess.”

“Not ‘special’ friends?”

Marshall scoffed. “No, not ‘special friends’....not that there’s anything wrong with that but Ted doesn’t make ‘special friends’. I mean, I know his love life has been pretty hit and miss....and miss.....and MISS but, special friends? No way, he’s just talking to some guy in a jacket.”

Marshall and Lily stared at each other for a brief second as a thought registered in their minds.

“You don’t think.....” Lily said.

“Ted is talking to THEE Jacket?”

They both swung their sights over the guy in the jacket. Marshall widened his eyes.

“That’s him! That’s Jacket!”

Lily looked him over. 

“WELL, I can see why he’s Barney biggest rival, no lacking in looks or charm from what I see.......wow.”

She squeezed Marshall’s hand in assurance.

“But NOT my type hon,” she said.

Marshall waved a hand dismissively. 

“No worries, if I were a chick I’d be all over that too.”

 

Barney wheezed violently as he charged through the door accessing the roof. 

“Don’t be scared my beauties I’m.....”

Barney sucked in gasps for air as he whipped his eyes around the rooftop. 

“What?”

He ambled around the roof and found no embers and no evidence of any bonfire. His stomach tightened with a horrid instinct as he clenched his jaw in fury.

“Jacket,” he grunted roughly. “I have been had by a.....JACKET!”

Barney blew a deep breath through his nostrils as he stormed back through the roof door and charged down the stairs. As panic gripped his body, he raced into his apartment, snapped on the light and ripped open his closet. He heaved a huge sigh of relief as he clutched his suits.

“Oh, you don’t know how happy I am to see you all safe and unharmed,” he cried softly. 

He stroked his shirt collection affectionately and let the sight of his beautiful suits calm his rattled nerves. 

 

Back at the pub, Marshall and Lily looked on at the mysterious Jacket as he conversed with Ted over a round of beers. A short time later, Ted and Jacket wandered over to their table.

“Guys, I’d like you to meet Dean Winchester.”

Ted mouthed to Marshall and Lily ‘jacket’ as Dean nodded and cracked a smile.

“Hey.”

“This is Marshall and his wife Lily,” Ted imparted. 

Dean nodded again as his eyes rolled over Snug Jeans. She flashed a flirtatious smile as he glanced at his watch. 

“You two seemed to be having an in depth conversation over there,” Lily remarked. 

Ted drew a wide smile. “We were quoting our favorite lines from the best movies ever! I have yet to stump him.”

Marshall stuffed his face with a fry and took on the challenge. He looked around the table at the condiments.

“What? No mustard?”

Dean gave an amused smile.

“The Stomach - Meatballs,” he answered.

Marshall blinked as his mind drummed up some more trivia. He sat back in his seat and mocked a frown.

“What, did someone just step on a duck?”

Dean scoffed and waved his hand. “Dude come on, that’s Caddyshack. You want to stump me, throw me a line from some chick flick.”

Marshall widened his eyes in awe as Lily narrowed hers on Dean.

“Put your hands on me,” she said. 

She shifted into a glare.

“But not really.”

Marshall, Ted and Lily glanced at Dean as he took a long sip. After a minute, he shifted his eyes to the ground and brought a fist to his mouth.

“Titanic,” he coughed.

Lily widened her eyes. 

“Wow, I’m impressed.”

“I know!” Ted roared. 

Marshall stared at Dean in awe. “I can’t believe it, after all these years we finally get to meet THEE Jacket.”

Ted and Lily shot conspiratorial looks at Marshall, who gulped. Dean eyed the three suspiciously until Marshall cracked under pressure.

“Sorry, I got excited and....blurted.”

Lily squeezed his arm as Dean shot his eyes to Ted. 

“Let me guess, you three know Stencil,” he grunted.

“Stencil?” Lily asked. “Why do you call him that?”

Dean snorted as he knocked back some more beer. 

“Because he’s an outline of a man in those douche bag designer suits, that’s why.”

Snug Jeans and Green Sweater, along with short black haired girl shot looks to Dean as they lingered in the bar. The waitress dropped off two burgers on the table. Marshall raised a hand but the waitress raced away.

“They doubled my order,” he moaned.

“And you’re complaining?” Dean asked. “You just hit the lottery dude.”

“But they could double my bill.”

“Then just charge it to the Underhills account, you get my drift?”

Marshall blinked before he grinned. Ted shot another look of awe as Marshall pushed the burger toward Dean.

“You want the other one man?”

Dean shrugged as he slipped into the booth.

“Yeah why not, I’ve got a long night ahead of me, need to fuel up.”

Dean glanced at the three girls eyeballing him like crazy before he dug into the burger.

 

A short time later, Barney blew out a breath as he roamed through McClaren’s completely at ease after frolicking around in his closet. He took a quick hot ladies check with his eye sweep before he spotted Marshall’s big head peeking over a crowd. He wandered over to the table and then froze when his nostrils were corrupted by the smell of.....musk. As the crowd around him dissipated, he caught sight of the back of Jacket’s head sitting next to...Ted. He widened his eyes when he realized Ted, Marshall and Lily were laughing with Jacket. 

“What?!” Barney squealed softly.

Barney gulped with horror as Jacket got up from the booth and caught his eyes. He wandered passed Barney and flashed him a smirk. Barney stumbled over to his friends and shined his astonishment.

“Wh...wh...what are you guys doing with.....Jacket?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “His name is Dean, Jacket is so dehumanizing Barney.”

Barney gasped loudly. 

“Wh...wh...what?! You’re....you’re defending.....jjjjjacket?!”

Marshall shrugged. “He’s actually a pretty cool guy Barney. You made him out to be such a.....a lowlife.”

“Yeah, he’s the pinnacle of cool actually,” Ted added. “He knows every line in Caddyshack and Animal House......and Vacation.”

Ted shook his head in awe. Barney gasped loudly again. 

“He’s not cool!” he protested. “He’s a.....a jacket! A filthy, musky, EVIL Jacket!”

Lily rolled her eyes at Barney. “Oh come on Barney, don’t you think you’re being a little immature about this? I mean so what if he cockblocked you a couple times over the years.”

“Yeah I mean, New York is a big town man, there are plenty of opportunities for you and Dean,” Marshall reasoned. 

Barney frowned with resentment. “Might I remind you that Jacket only cares about soiling MY opportunities? He exists solely to ruin my....”

Barney cleared his throat as Jacket made his way back to the table. 

Dean glanced at Ted.

“Hey Mosby, you want in on that?”

Ted followed Dean’s sights toward the short black haired girl he had seen at the bar earlier. 

Ted gasped as the girl smiled at him.

“Are you serious? I figured you would have taken her....”

Ted nodded at Snug Jeans.

“And her.”

He nodded at Green Sweater.

“And her too.”

Dean shrugged as he knocked back another beer.

“Normally I wouldn’t share my prime pickings but that one over there is a Russian acrobat, so she’s....you know...bendy in all ways you can imagine. I had a tasty yoga instructor last night so I’ve had my fill of the flexible inclined.”

Ted blinked in awe as Barney frowned in resentment.

“Ted happens to be a guy looking for the love of his life,” he stated frankly. “He’s not interested in sleeping with an assortment of random hotties.”

Ted opened his mouth to speak as Dean shrugged.

“Suit yourself but she mentioned she likes to...of all things – read so, I figured she was your type and she’s only in town looking to burn off all the stress of training so, maybe you’re right, she’s just a girl who can get bendy and likes to read boring novels by Russian authors and is only in town for one night so.....totally not what you’re looking for. Sorry Mosby, honest mistake.”

Dean nodded at Lily and Marshall.

“Nice meeting you all.”

Dean noticed Barney’s silent seething expression.

“Stencil, as always, it was a pleasure,” he said with a smirk.

Dean pivoted as Ted blinked out of his daze and got to his feet. 

“Um, I’m going to get more......fries.”

Ted raced through a crowd and went over to the acrobatic girl at the bar. Barney gasped loudly as Lily and Marshal waved at Dean who hooked back up with Snug Jeans and Green Sweater. 

“That guy is a legend,” Marshall cooed.

Barney gasped even louder as his eyes noticed Ted and the acrobat hitting it off. 

“You’re dead to me,” he cried softly. “You and you and him.....you’re all dead......”  
Barney sniffed as he staggered away from the table. As he stumbled toward the door, he grimaced as Jacket bumped into him. 

“Jacket,” he grunted.

Dean flashed a cocky smile. “Gee Stencil, what’s bothering you? The fact that I’ve taken all the chicks or wooed your friends over or that you know that deep down inside that shell of a man that I AM awesome and will always, ALWAYS kick – your – ass.”

Deeply flustered, Barney adjusted his tie as Dean widened his cocky smile.

“Wh....why are you doing this to me?”

Dean shrugged. 

“It’s fun.”

Dean caught sight of Ted mouthing ‘thank you’ as he ambled out the door with the Russian beauty. Dean chuckled as he shifted his eyes back to Barney.

“Jacket beats Suit – again,” he boasted. 

Dean eyed his two dates lingering by the door before he clapped a hand on Barney’s shoulder.

“Better luck next time Stencil....wait, no, no, even luck won’t help you when you’re around me, so....maybe you should move and stay away from televised ball games.”

Dean hitched his head back and roared with amusement before he sauntered out of the bar. Barney glared at Jacket as his eye ticked furiously. 

“Jacketjacketjacket,” he grunted. 

Marshall clapped a hand on Barney’s shoulder.

“Come on Barney, have a seat and relax.”

Barney looked up at the ceiling.

“What? What’s that I hear? It sounds like someone who USED to be my friend but no....it couldn’t be....he went off and consorted with my greatest enemy. Jacket. Jacket. I – HATE – THE JACKET.”

Barney ignored Marshall as he muttered under his breath and stormed out of the bar.


	4. Where Sleeping Suits Lied

The pub was crowded and lively with music and chatter as Marshall and Lily enjoyed the atmosphere over burgers and beers. 

“Barney still hasn’t talked to you?”

Marshall took out his phone and checked for any messages. He shook his head. Lily rolled her eyes.

“He’s being a little immature about this whole ‘I hate the Jacket’ thing,” she said. 

Lily munched on a fry as she drew an inquisitive look. 

“Yet I can’t help feel like there’s something more to this rivalry than just a superiority contest,” she added.

“Yeah I get that feeling too,” Marshall noted.

Dean emerged from a crowd with a glass of beer. He nodded to Marshall and Lily as he swept his eyes around the crowd.

“Hey, have you two seen Stencil? I’ve been hanging around almost an hour waiting to dish him some more humiliation.”

Marshall shook his head. “He’s not answering any of my calls.”

“Hmm, smells like the sweet scent of ultimate defeat,” Dean cracked. “Guess my fun is over.”

Lily furrowed her brows in curiosity. 

“Say Dean, can I ask you something?”

Dean cocked his head and shrugged. “Yeah sure.”

“Is there something else going on between you and Barney? I can’t help but wonder if this whole Jacket beats Suit thing is over something more than just......bimbo banging.”

Lily shook her head in disbelief before she shifted her eyes back to Dean. She deepened her curiosity as his engaging manner drifted away momentarily. He took a long sip from his glass before shifting into a casual expression.

“It’s not really about anything more,” he answered. “I ran into suit awhile back, he annoyed the hell out of me so I’ve made it my business to check in on him from time to time and give him a dose of reality. That’s all it is.”

Dean threw his eyes at an attractive auburn haired girl hanging by the jukebox and drew a sly smile. 

“Excuse me,” he said as he ambled away. 

Lily furrowed her brows in disapproval. “Okay, that was a bit....jerky in Barney’s defense........yet.........”

Marshall widened his eyes in awe. “I still like him. He’s got so much....charm and charisma......he could call me a stupid bonehead and I’d....”

“Lap it up like a thirsty dog,” Lily finished. 

“Yeah,” Marshall conceded. “That smile makes me weak in the knees.”

A few minutes later, Dean drifted back to the table and shook his head as the auburn haired girl wandered out of the bar. Marshall eyed him curiously. 

“You let that one walk away?”

“Yeah, I had one of those ‘oh’ moments with her, you know?”

Lily and Marshall exchanged knowing looks and widened their eyes in wonder. 

“She talks to animals,” Dean imparted. 

Lily and Marshall exchanged another look.

“Oh, um, you mean like ‘hey there horse, how’s the weather?” Marshall asked with a guarded wonder.

“Or she’s a veterinarian who’s got a great bedside manner,” Lily reasoned.

“No, she talks to her STUFFED animals, like ‘Hey Mr. Fluffy Bear, what would I do without you in my life? I’d be SO lonely, would you like some tea?”

Lily and Marshall nodded and said, “Ohhhhhh.”

“Yeah, too many hot chicks in this city to settle for a crazy hot one.”

Dean took pause on a headline of a magazine article Marshall was reading with fascination. 

“What are you reading?”

Marshall looked up and feigned an innocent expression as he covered the article with his arm.

“Uh, nothing just doing some light reading,” he said dismissively.

Dean cocked an eyebrow up in curiosity with a small smile of amusement.

“About....Sasquatch?”

Marshall drew a defensive frown as Lily answered, “Marshall has a fear of Sasquatch.”

Marshall deepened his defensive expression.

“I do not have a FEAR,” he clarified. “I just like to be informed about possible sightings and to be aware of any that may have.....run away in this direction.”

Lily dropped a hand on Marshall’s arm in comfort.

“Honey, I doubt it would come all the way to New York just to maul you.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” Marshall remarked emphatically. “They ARE bipeds, they could.....drive....or get on a bus.”

“You’re into that BigFoot stuff huh?”

Marshall threw his defensive eyes on Dean.

“As a matter of fact, I am,” he answered firmly. “The world is full of amazing and awesome beings that people are too narrow minded to believe exists. And you know what’s going to happen to ‘those people’? They’re going to be sorry they were such skeptics.”

Dean slipped into the seat across from Lily and Marshall and returned with a casual look.

“I mean how ignorant are we to believe that only humans walk around on earth you know? You could be standing in line at the hot dog vendor next to the ghost of some guy who died in a freak accident that happened at that very place.”

“Oh, so you believe in.....ghosts too huh?”

Marshall narrowed his defensive eyes. “Dude, don’t mock the Marsh or you may just end up one of ‘those people’ and one day when you’re screaming from the sight of your dead grandfather, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Dean stifled a laugh in his throat as he settled back in his seat. 

“No, no man, I’m not mocking.”

Marshall studied Dean for a long minute trying to gauge his sincerity. 

“I’m open minded, I’m aware of the press on the.....odd things like Big Foot, and the twenty foot man and......”

“Haunted houses?”

“Chupacabra in New Mexico.”

Marshall widened his eyes in awe. “You are a believer!”

Dean gave a casual shrug. 

“Like I said, I’m open minded.”

Marshall gave a goofy grin as he went back to reading his magazine.

“Anyway, I wouldn’t worry about running into ‘ol Hairy Butts out here,” Dean mused. “You’re more likely to encounter, say, a werewolf, walking around in human skin.”

Marshall hitched his eyes up to Dean and widened them in fear.

“What? Werewolves? In....New York? Have....have you seen one?”

Dean shrugged as he looked around the pub for new prospects.

“You never know.”

He glanced at his watch and his dwindling beer glass. After taking notice of a busty brunette lingering at the bar, he excused himself and ambled over. 

Marshall squinted through the window as Lily eyed him curiously.

“What are you looking at?”

“I’m trying to see if that’s a full moon behind that patch of clouds,” Marshall answered.

 

Five minutes later, Dean returned to Lily and Marshall with a beer in one hand and a tropical type drink garnished with a pineapple wedge. Marshall eyed the fruity drink in excitement. 

“Is that for me?” Marshall asked, trying to hold back his giddy expression.

Dean watched the busty brunette taking off through the door before he eyed Marshall. 

“What? Oh uh no, I bought it for that chick but she turned out to be a.....”

“Another ‘oh’ moment?” Lily deduced.

“No, a.....witch. She had the audacity to ‘lemon law’ me, whatever the hell that is.”

Marshall and Lily exchanged knowing looks as Dean settled down in his seat. 

“I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with this, eight bucks for a fruity chick drink and no new faces in the past five minutes to pawn it off on.”

Marshall exaggerated a casual look. “Well, I uh, I could take that off your hands for you. I don’t mind fruity and deliciously flavorful, um, drinks.....”

Dean eyed Marshall curiously for a moment before he shrugged and pushed the drink across. 

“Knock yourself out,” he said.

Marshall squeaked softly in his throat until he noticed Dean watching him with more curiosity. He cleared his throat and faked a casual expression as he took a sip. 

“Uh, that’s awful, just awful,” he lied. “But, at least it doesn’t go to waste.”

Dean gave a short nod before he turned his eyes away. Marshall glanced at Lily and grinned.

“This is awesome,” he mouthed before fervently sucking down the drink.

 

Ted and Robin strolled into the pub and eyed the throngs of people. Ted paused by the bar when he noticed Dean sitting with Lily and Marshall.

“Oh hey, Dean is still in town,” Ted remarked.

“The notorious Jacket? No way!” Robin said with wide eyes as she followed Ted through a crowd. 

Ted and Robin perched by their usual table as Dean took inventory over the girls scattered in the pub.

“Hey guys, hey Dean, this is Robin,” Ted imparted.

Dean shot a casual glance at Robin before his eyes rolled over her.

“Well, where have you been hiding?”

Robin opened her mouth but no words passed through as Dean flashed her a sexy smile. 

“Beers?” Ted asked.

Robin nodded as Ted wandered off to the bar. Dean scooted over in his seat, making room for her. Robin threw a smile as she slipped into the booth. She glanced at Lily and Marshall. 

“Hey, have any of you heard from Barney? He left me a message about meeting uptown to get away from the smell of....musk.”

Dean snickered loudly as he sipped his beer. Robin looked at Dean with an odd expression.

“Sweet taste of victory,” he muttered softly.

Ted returned to the table and pulled up a chair. 

“I guess you like New York,” he said to Dean.

Dean stretched his arms across the seat as he glanced at Robin before regarding Ted.

“It has its perks.”

Robin eyed the magazine Marshall was reading. “Ah, more comical night reading Marshall?” 

Marshall snapped his eyes on Robin. 

“You’ve been warned.”

“Speaking of warnings.....” Ted started as he drew his eyes to Robin. “Don’t leave your gun out on the coffee table. I wandered out there in the middle of the night to watch TV and I mistook it for the remote. Thank god it was empty.”

Dean paused in his sip of beer as he threw a casual glance at Robin.

“You....have a gun?”

Robin waved a hand. 

“Yeah, I’m a bit of a......”

“Nut,” Lily finished. 

Robin looked at Lily with a conflicted expression of curiosity and offense. Lily widened her eyes and picked up a bowl of peanuts on the table, offering it to Robin.

“Nut?” 

Robin declined as Lily, Marshall and Ted drifted into conversations. After a few more minutes, Dean got up to refresh his drink. Robin glanced at Dean as he wandered through a crowd. She noticed something that struck her curiosity when the lapels of his jacket shifted as he shifted toward the bar.

As Dean waited at the bar, he leaned over and caught a look at Robin chatting with Lily. He regarded Ted as he wandered back from the bathroom.

“Say Mosby, what’s the story between you and that sweet maple over there? You just roomies or are you – tapping out the syrup on occasion?”

Ted shoved his hands in his pockets as he shifted in his stance. “Um, we dated for awhile a few years back but it didn’t work out in the end and now we’re just friends – who live together.”

“But you haven’t.....shared bedtime stories?”

After a brief moment of silence, Ted shifted in his stance. 

“Um, there was this brief period where we were.....”

Ted sighed as he dipped his eyes to the ground for a second.

“But not anymore.....it’s complicated.”

Dean eyed the bartender as he chuckled in deep amusement.

“Yeah, women usually are. That’s why I never get involved for too long.”

Ted absorbed Dean gazing at Robin. 

“You interested?”

Dean shifted his eyes back to Ted. 

“Women always interest me. Some more than others.”

Ted let out a breath as Dean went back to observing Robin. 

“Look Dean, you’re cool and awesome and all but Robin is a good friend of mine, I care a lot about her and I don’t want to see her get hurt, so if all you’re interested in with her is just scratching off another number then I have to say, look elsewhere man.”

Dean glanced back at Ted with questioning eyes. “Is that the jealous ex talking or just Ted?”

“It’s Ted the caring and concerned friend talking. I really don’t want to see her get hurt besides you don’t even know if she’s interested in you.”

Dean scoffed loudly. 

“Dude, of course she is, look at me.”

Dean picked up his beer from the bartender and slapped money down. 

“Anyway, whether she wants to get involved or not is her choice.”

Dean patted Ted on the back as he wandered over to a brand new prospect that had walked into the pub a minute ago. Ted sighed as he ambled back to the table and sat down next to Robin. 

“Oh, did Dean leave without saying goodbye?” Marshall asked with deep disappointment in his tone. “I wanted to pick his brain about these Devil Bat sightings in Rochester.”

Ted shifted in his seat when his cell phone hummed in his pocket. 

“Hello? Oh hey Barney........what? I can hardly here you.....oh......uh, okay......yeah, bye.”

Robin, Lily and Marshall eyed Ted as he put his phone away.

“What was that about?” Lily asked.

Ted shrugged. “Something about a hot girl he met uptown that he wanted to go ‘downtown’ with round trip several times for several hours and then he hung up.”

“Guess Barney had to up his game against ‘THEE JACKET’,” Marshall noted. 

Robin motioned at Ted that she wanted to get up. 

“You know what guys, I’m not feeling all that great right now so, I think I’m just going to call it a night.”

“You want me to walk back with you?” Ted asked.

“No, I’ll manage. I’ll see you all later.”

Robin hiked her bag over her shoulder, waved and headed toward the door. She heaved a deep breath as she weaved through a crowd and bumped right into Dean as he reached the door. 

“Hey, leaving so soon?”

“Um, yeah, I’m not really feeling up to a night out.”

“Oh, are you feeling up to a night ‘in’ then?”

Robin noticed the flare in his eyes and let out a breath. 

“Um, I kind of just want to spend some time.....getting my mind off things.”

Dean edged closer to her and lit up with an engaging smile.

“Well, I could help you – take your mind off – things with....other things,” he cracked.

Robin absorbed the blatant expression on his face. 

“You know with all the talk about you, I really thought you would have left awhile ago with the first hot thing that walked in here.”

Dean shrugged as he widened his smile.

“Yeah, you’re right. There are plenty of hot things in here but you, you’re the most interesting hot thing I’ve met all night.”

Robin let out a breath as she swore she heard her knees clattering together in weakness. She bit her lower lip, shyly looked away and shoved her chest forward giving him the ‘look’ to draw him in.

“Oh gosh,” she cooed as she batted his shoulder.

Dean rolled his eyes over her and widened his smile even more.

“So.....you got a piece huh? I’m really interested to know how well you can use it. I’m more interested in SEEING it.”

Robin breezed through the door as Dean threw her another charming smile.

“You mean, like right now, you want to see my....piece?”

Robin looked around the street as Dean shrugged.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” he cracked. 

Robin stared at him as he didn’t break from his silly grin. She whipped her eyes around the street again before she edged closer to Dean.

“Um okay, but just a peek.”

Robin walked around the corner of the pub and leaned closer to Dean. He dropped his eyes as she exposed her piece. 

“Niiiiiiice,” he said as his silly grin widened. “I can tell you take pretty damn good care of it.”

“Well yeah, if you don’t keep it clean, it’s not as effective in banking a good blow, you know?”

“Yeah, yeah, totally know,” he acceded. “Never sacrifice the satisfying feeling of that first blow.”

Robin perked her eyebrows. 

“Well? Are you going to show me yours?”

Dean swept a quick glance around the street before he dug into his waistband and exposed his piece. Robin dropped her eyes and admired his piece.

“Wow, that’s some piece your packing.”

“Yeah, you interested in getting your hands on it?”

Robin cocked her head. “You keep that thing clean?”

“I take care of it weekly sometimes DAILY depending on how much use it gets,” he said with a wink.

Robin chuckled. “Well, I don’t like to brag but I’m awesome with my piece. You any good with yours?”

“Hell yeah, I’m awesome with it,” he said emphatically. “You can say it’s one of my biggest hobbies – handling.....pieces.”

“Well um, I was actually headed out to play with mine for awhile, you can come along if you want.”

Dean widened his eyes in excitement as he nodded down the street.

“Oh hell yeah, let’s take a ride.”

Robin eyed the old looking car as Dean unlocked the passenger side door. Once inside the car, Dean edged a little closer to Robin with a smile.

“Okay, now that I had a peek, I need a little stroke,” he confessed. “You can stroke mine if you want.”

“Oh yeah, sure.”

Robin reached into her bag and yanked out her gun, setting it in his hand. Dean swept a hand over the pistol in an almost affectionate manner.

“Desert Eagle, pretty sweet.”

“Hey, hand yours over.”

Robin eagerly held her hand out. Dean shifted in his seat and took out the gun tucked in the waistband. He put the gun in her hand and her eyes lit up as she too, stroked the gun in an affectionate manner.

“Colt 1911,” she noted. “I like the ivory grips, stands out.”

“Well, I like to make an impression that lingers in the memory for a long time.”

Dean held the Desert Eagle out of any passerby view. 

“Got to say, when I heard you had a gun, I never pegged you owning this one.”

“Oh, you thought I had some less than a handful peashooter?”

Dean cocked his head in admission. “Well, yeah. This isn’t exactly a chick’s gun.”

“One, it’s New York and two, I’m not really suited for a chick’s gun.”

“Yeah, I’m beginning to see that.”

 

A short time later, Dean shook his head in amazement as Robin squeezed off several rounds on a large revolver. She lowered her gun and eyed Dean as she drew the target closer to check her accuracy. She smiled smugly at her aim.

“Told ya,” she taunted.

Dean glanced at the bullet holes in the heart and head. 

“Wow, you just went from interesting to awesome,” he exalted.

Robin hitched her head back in a cocky manner.

“Doubt you can do any better. You have yet to show me what you can do.”

Dean picked up the pistol in his stall.

“Well, then let me waste no more time in kicking Canada’s ass.....”

He threw her a suggestive smile before taking aim at his target. Robin watched as he squeezed off several rounds. When he finished, she let out a breath and widened her eyes.

“Wow, I’m impressed.”

“Yeah, same here.”

After a few more rounds of gunplay, Robin and Dean wandered out the firing range. 

“So is Mosby going to be around or do you have your place all to yourself for the remainder of this night?”

Robin absorbed the brilliant spark in his eyes for a minute before she found the words to answer. 

“Um, if he is, he won’t bother us.”

“Cool, let’s go.”

 

Back at the apartment, Robin gathered up some glasses and a bottle of liquor before she shuffled into her room and locked the door. She held up the label of the bottle to Dean who had settled on her bed. 

“This okay?”

“Johnnie Walker Blue? Are you kidding me?”

Robin noticed his wide eyed excitement and poured a glass. After knocking a few drinks back while on the bed, Robin gravitated toward Dean and found herself in a heavy lip lock that lingered on for a few minutes. As her mind started to drift away, she gently broke away and sighed. 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she said.

Dean caught his breath as he gauged her concern.

“Well, you should know by my gun that I always practice....safety measures if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Robin drew a small smile of amusement before she edged away. 

“No um, I wasn’t concerned about that.....not that I don’t either, I mean, I’m a cleanly person too.....it’s just....”

Robin heaved a deep sigh. 

“There’s just something on my mind,” she admitted. 

“Something with the face of.....Ted?”

Robin threw Dean an odd look. 

“Ted? Why would Ted be on my mind?”

“I don’t know, perhaps because you’re living with a guy you used to bang and maybe that bothers you more than you realize.”

Robin blew out a breath and shook her head. “No, Ted and I are done. I care about him but I don’t have feelings for him.”

“Okay, then it’s someone else’s face that’s on your mind.”

Robin studied Dean with intense curiosity. 

“No, I’m not thinking of anyone,” she replied. “Why are you so convinced it’s a ‘someone’ and not a something?”

Dean heaved a sigh as he settled back against the headboard. He refilled his drink and took a short sip before he answered.

“I can’t help but wonder whose face you were picturing on that target back at the firing range. That wasn’t just a little target practice, I noticed something about you, something about your face, in your eyes as you blasted the hell out of that dangerous paper man. It was the look of rage, like you’re pissed off and I really don’t think it was over ‘something’. Women don’t go to firing ranges when ‘something’ is bothering them. It’s usually a ‘someone’........just from past experiences.....”

Robin stared at Dean in wonder before she refilled her glass and quickly knocked it back. She fumbled with the glass as she set it down on her end table.

“Why do you even care? Don’t you just want to make me forget what’s on my mind?”

Dean set his glass down and gauged the flare in her eyes.

“Sure, hop on Maple leaf and take a ride.”

Robin shaded with a humbled look. “I’d just be using you for meaningless sex to take my mind off of things.”

“Cool.”

Robin crawled over him and planted a sloppy, drunken kiss on his mouth, trying to get into it but after a minute she inched away and sighed. 

“God!” she growled.

“That’s a first, I never get that word until after my clothes are off.”

Robin sunk her eyes to the ground as she picked up the bottle and took a long swig. 

“Mosby really worked a number on you.”

Robin shook her head as she fought back her emotions.

“I told you, this isn’t about Ted,” she barked. “It’s about......about........”

Robin eyed the space Dean occupied and sniffed.

“Barney,” she said very softly.

Dean choked on his drink, spitting liquid into the air. He coughed several times to clear the passageways in his throat. 

“What? This is about Stencil? Oh Jesus Christ, you banged the suit?”

Robin sucked down more liquor as she displayed a pained look.

“We more than just banged, we dated for awhile and then we broke up a couple months ago.”

Dean widened his eyes as he choked some more. 

“Wait, I almost ate off Stencil’s plate of.......happy meals? Jesus Christ.”

Dean grimaced as he wiped his mouth and got to his feet. He shot Robin an annoyed look as he slipped his jacket back on. 

“Why does that even matter to a skirt chasing hound like you? You’ve probably already had some of his happy meals.”

Dean stared at Robin in horror before he shook his head. “No, I haven’t. I made damn sure I haven’t.”

 

Flashback to twenty-four hours ago:

Dean leaned closer to the chick in the pub and worked his charm.

“Let me ask you something, have you recently or EVER been out with a suit and tie about yay tall, drinks martinis and has this annoying head bob when he’s excited?”

The girl shook her head without much thought.

“Think real hard,” he stressed. “It’s important for.....the human race.”

The girl cocked her head as she took a long minute to think. 

“Goes by the name Barney Stinson but I call him Stencil.”

Dean flashed the picture of Barney at the ballpark. 

“Oh, I’ve seen him on TV.”

“But no where else, like....above you?”

The girl shook her head. Dean studied her for a minute as she swirled her drink with a straw.

“Okay, let’s take a ride.”

 

 

Back to the present, Dean scolded himself softly.

“Damn, I should have did more research with you but after you mentioned you had a gun, I thought you were too cool to....bang the suit slowly.”

He shook his head emphatically as he reached for the doorknob.

“You failed to mention this when I met you,” he snapped.

“I didn’t think it was important nor did I really want to talk about my ex-boyfriend. And aren’t you so full of yourself that you want to wipe Barney from my mind so all I do is talk about how great the sex was with you in front of him? Put him to shame that way?” Robin spat through slurred words.

Dean deepened his scowl as he perched by the door, contemplating the thought for a long minute. He let out a breath and shrugged.

“Oh hell, I’ll just drink until I don’t remember that detail.”

Dean pounced onto the bed and crawled over Robin, emptying the bottle of liquor in her hand. They quickly started exchanging kisses and groping each other for several minutes. After another minute of fervent groping and kissing, Dean pulled away from Robin and frowned.

“Aw crap, this isn’t working.”

“I got more booze in that drawer.”

Dean got up and moved over to a cabinet, yanking out another bottle of blue label. He took several long sips from the bottle and settled his eyes over Robin. He widened his eyes when he swore he saw Barney in the bed instead, wearing a skimpy negligee. 

“How do you want me?” Barney asked in a seductive tone.

Dean widened his eyes even more as he inhaled the liquor from the bottle. He blew out a breath in relief when he saw only Robin on the bed. 

“Hey, easy, wouldn’t want you to be so drunk you don’t remember how awesome I am with your piece.”

Dean blinked when he swore he heard Barney’s voice coming out of Robin’s mouth.

“What the fuck?” 

Robin frowned with concern. “Are you okay?”

Dean blinked several more times as he sucked down more liquor. When all he saw was Robin on the bed, he sighed with immense relief. He crawled over her and settled her onto her back as she grinned up at him. Dean dipped his mouth on her neck and began to nibble lightly on the flesh. He heard a strange pitched moan but brushed it off, hearing the raspy tone in Robin’s voice as she grew increasingly drunk. When the next moan was deeper and almost – male sounding, Dean hitched his head up in alarm and looked down at Robin to see – Barney staring up at him with a silly smile.

“You are amazing,” Barney said. 

Dean widened his eyes in horror as he bolted off the bed. Robin returned to his vision as he displayed a look of nausea. 

“Dean? What’s going on with you?” Robin asked in her true voice.

“I uh....I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this but.....I can’t do this with you.”

Robin sat up on her knees and frowned. “Why? Because of Barney? I thought you were.....drinking until you forgot.”  
“Yeah, yeah, that was the plan but that damn suit is not letting me forget,” Dean grumbled. “It’s like he put a friggin’ hex on me. I see him all over you, I see him AS YOU! I hear HIM talking from your mouth and....it’s fucking with my mind and....as much as I want to bang you senselessly just to spite him, I just can’t seem to plant my feet on.....the land he’s already consecrated.....it’s like.....sleeping where he took a big, long piss....”

Robin balked with offense. 

“You know what I mean,” Dean reasoned. 

He knocked back a long sip as his eyes grew glassier.

“I don’t dip in his pond – EVER,” Dean replied sharply. “He can take my leftovers any day but not vice versa. You’re hot and awesome, you really are but I may as well slip on one of his lame schmuck suits if I’m going to lie where he did.......”

Dean yanked open the door and turned back to Robin to see her curled up on her bed, sobbing softly in a rare display of emotion. He heaved a sigh as he stumbled back to the bed. 

“Maybe after three or four more bottles,” he said.

Robin wiped her eyes and shut off her emotions. 

“No, I don’t want to do this,” she confessed. “You....you’re just like Barney, racking up conquests and bragging to everyone and their mother about it. You just burn through a girl and turn her toward the door like she’s nothing. And I’m NOT nothing! Oh why am I even talking to the likes of you? You couldn’t understand or fathom what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone you actually care about. To know these ugly feelings you’re left with when that relationship ends......you don’t know what’s it like to have ‘someone’ that gets in your mind even when you try so hard not to let them.”

Robin shook her head as she sat up and stared at Dean who had gone quiet. She studied him for a long moment when she saw something familiar in his eyes. 

“Oh my god, you do! You had a ‘someone’ didn’t you? Someone who gets into your mind when you don’t want them to?”

Robin lightly punched Dean in the shoulder.

“You do,” she stressed.

Dean answered by taking a long swig from the bottle. 

“You do,” Robin repeated.   
Dean took another long swig from the bottle as he fell back on the mattress and stared up at the ceiling.

“So what if I do? There’s no point on dwelling over someone you will never have again,” he said bitterly. 

Robin bit back her onslaught of inebriation, deeply curious to know more. 

“Who was she? How long were you with her?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Dean groaned. “I don’t bring you home to talk.”

“Maybe it will help, I mean, I haven’t told Ted or Lily about still being mad at Barney but just that little venting with you has made me feel.....less.....ugly I guess. Maybe it’s because I hardly know you and you won’t really make judgments and since we’re not going to get naked, all you’re left with is talking.”

“Leaving is an option,” Dean pointed brusquely. 

“Okay, then leave,” Robin said. 

Dean took another long swig as he stared at the ceiling. For several minutes, he simply drank and stared up at the ceiling.

“I thought you wanted to leave.”

After another long pull, Dean kept his eyes on the ceiling.

“I will,” he said sharply. “AFTER I’m done with Stencil.”

Robin heaved a breath. “What is up with this rivalry between you and Barney? Why after all these years are you still trying to taunt him? Do you have nothing better to do? I mean seriously, what did he ever really do to you other than wear a suit around you?”

Another long sip, another lull of silence. 

“He made the ‘someone’ get in my mind,” Dean answered flatly. 

Robin eyed him in wonder as he rolled off the bed and staggered out of the room. 

 

Dean shuffled out of the bedroom as Ted emerged from the kitchen. 

“Hey Mosby.”

Ted paused in the faintly lit living room and shined his surprise after gauging where he came from.

“Dean? You.....and Robin were.....”

“We were, well INTENDED to, but not now. See ya.”

Dean blew through the door leaving Ted in a complete daze.


	5. Have You Seen This Jacket?

“So he just told you out of the blue about this mysterious someone?” Ted asked as he chomped on a fry. “That’s kind of a strange thing to just say.”

Robin gulped as Ted, Marshall and Lily stared at her expectantly.

“Uh, it was more of a.....drunk blurt.”

Robin shifted awkwardly in her seat as the three examined her curiously before nodding.

“I hate drunk blurts,” Ted said. “They always get you in trouble the next morning. No wonder Dean cut his losses and took off.”

“Hey,” Robin moaned as she flashed a frown. “He did NOT cut his losses. He just decided he was too pissed to ravage me senselessly. I mean, COME ON, these babies are NOT losses.”

Robin waved a hand over her chest and gave a cocky grin.

“I knew that there was more to this ‘Jacket beats Suit’ thing than just bimbo banging,” Lily mused. 

“Well I was pretty out of it,” Robin explained. “But I do remember the look of pure bitterness when he talked about Barney being the reason this mystery someone isn’t around anymore.”

Lily shook her head. 

“So this is still about a girl,” she said.

“The question is what did Barney do?” Ted asked.

 

Barney sauntered into the pub in his dark gray Indian wool suit with a new spring in his step. He perched in the doorway after inhaling a deep breath. 

“Beer....burgers.....”

He sniffed deeply and smiled gleefully.

“No musk!” 

Barney practically skipped through the pub singing under his breath.

“Ding dong the musk is gone!”

He spotted the gang and hopped over, pulling up a chair. Robin, Lily, Marshall and Ted regarded Barney as he drew a goofy grin. 

“It’s a wonderful night, isn’t it?” he asked. 

Barney bobbed his head as he took in the collective stares from the group.

“What?”

Lily threw him a deep scowl. 

“What did you do?”

Barney widened his smug grin. 

“The question is what DIDN’T I do to that hottie last night? Score one for the Barnacle!”

He held up a hand for a high five but no one reciprocated. He shivered in mock exaggeration as he was met with glares.

“Gee, it’s chilly in here.”

As the glares bore deeper into his suit, he gulped with genuine cluelessness.

“What’s going on?”

Lily folded her arms across her chest and frowned at Barney.

“What did you do to Dean?”

Barney opened his mouth in surprise and offense.

“What? What, did I DO?! What did I do? 

Lily deepened her ireful frown. 

“Yeah, what did you do? Do NOT make me repeat myself Barney. What did you do to ruin his life? Robin said he passed on meaningless drunken sex with her because of something YOU did!”

Barney gasped and stared at Robin in horror.

“Ro....Robin? You were going to let him plug your outlet?!”

Barney shivered for a minute before he suddenly broke into a silly grin.

“I filled that outlet first,” he chimed.

“Barney!” Lily growled as she snatched him by the collar of his dress shirt. 

Barney gulped as he absorbed Lily’s look of murder. 

“Uh excuse me.”

The gang turned their eyes to a tall, lanky young guy with tawny brown hair hanging down to his eyes. Lily loosened her grip on Barney and joined the collective share of curious looks.

“My name is Sam. The bartender over there, Carl, he said that my brother has been hanging out here a lot, with you guys.”

Ted raised an eyebrow as he looked the guy over. “Your brother?”

“Yeah, his name is Dean.”

Everyone except Barney nodded their heads in acknowledgement. 

Barney grumbled low under his breath, “Brother of Jacket.”

“I was wondering if you have seen him in here tonight. He was supposed to check in with me this morning and when he didn’t, I got a little worried, even though I’m aware that he tends to um.....be with company. Anyway, it’s been over eight hours and I still haven’t heard from him.”

Ted shook his head. “Sorry man, I haven’t seen him since late last night when he snuck out of my apartment.”

Sam shot Ted an odd look.

“He was with Robin,” Ted clarified. “They were gonna.....you know....but then they didn’t....you know.”

Sam glanced at Robin. “Oh. Well, um, that’s....odd for my brother.”

Robin winced and groaned, “Great, I’m the only girl in New York the famous Jacket won’t touch sober OR drunk.”

Robin dipped her eyes in shame as Sam expressed his confusion.

“Um, jacket?”

Sam looked over the gang one by one until he settled his sights on Barney. 

“Wait a minute,” he said as he pointed to Barney. “You’re.....the Suit.”

Barney sat up tall and adjusted his tie as Sam stared at him. Barney gave a proud smile as he hooked his thumbs under the lapels of his suit jacket.

“It’s Indian wool. That gave me away, didn’t it?” he asked widening his smile.

“Uh, actually it was the uh....annoying smile,” Sam confessed softly.

Barney scoffed as he stroked his suit in a comforting gesture. 

“Don’t listen to him my beauty, he is just as fashion illiterate as his fuh....fuh....fuh....lan...nel....wearing.....Jacket brother.”

Barney shuddered for a second as Sam steered his attention back to Robin.

“So Robin, why did my brother um....not want to.......”

Robin heaved a deep sigh as she crinkled her face into a hurt look.

“I’ll have you know he was going to get totally, completely, insanely wasted to wipe out his memory of knowing my history with....”

Robin crooked her thumb at Barney.

“Suit here....anyway, if you want to know why he took off, ask.....the Suit,” Robin grumbled.

Lily glared at Barney. 

“Go ahead Barney, tell us what YOU did.”

As another pair of staring eyes joined the gang, Barney gulped feeling the weight of their expectant expressions.

“I......I honesty don’t know,” he confessed.

“Did you sleep with the same chick?” Ted asked.

Barney frowned with offense as he hitched his head up. 

“I seriously doubt that would have happened. Do I look like someone who would dip Barney Jr. in the muddy pond Jacket swims in?”

Sam let out a sigh as he glanced at his watch. 

“Look, I’m not that concerned about why he took off; I just want to find him. The last time he went missing, he ended up in a Mexican jail after going on a three day bender. So if you see him, please give me a call.”

Sam handed out several business cards with his number on them to the gang. Lily clutched Marshall’s arm as she drew concern.

“Well, New York is a big city,” she said. “If you need help, count me and Marshall in. We really like your brother so whatever we can do, let us know.”

Barney balked loudly as Ted glanced up at Sam. 

“Yeah, your brother is pretty awesome,” Ted cheered. “We spent hours quoting movie lines. He’s like Rainman when it comes to movie trivia!”

Ted shined his amazement as he got to his feet.

“So, count me in too,” he said.

“Um, thank you, I actually could use some help,” Sam replied as he retrieved a folded slip of paper from his pocket.

Lily slid out of the booth and tugged on Marshall’s arm.

“Honey, come on.”

Marshall remained in his seat as his face beaded with apprehension.

“Marshall, what’s wrong?”

Marshall leaned in close to Lily.

“It’s....a full moon tonight,” he whispered. “We shouldn’t go outside. There could be....werewolves.”

Lily rolled her eyes as she yanked Marshall to his feet.

“No, it’s not a full moon tonight, hon,” Lily corrected.

Marshall blew out a deep sigh of relief. 

“So where should we start? Some of the bars down the block?” Ted asked.

Sam displayed the slip of paper in his hand. 

“Uh, well, I start looking in his usual hangouts so um, this is a list of all the....strip clubs from here to our motel.”

Barney snorted with amusement as Marshall, Ted and Lily gathered around Sam. Lily took the slip of paper from him and ripped it into thirds.

“Marshall and I will hit these,” she said. 

She eyed Ted and Robin. 

“You cover this half.”

Ted nodded as he took the section and looked it over. Lily held out the last section of the list.

“And you and Sam can take these.”

Barney winked at an attractive redhead sitting at the bar, completely oblivious to Lily’s delegations. Lily hit him hard in the shoulder.

“Barney!” she growled.

“OW!” Barney howled as he winced and rubbed his shoulder. “What was that for?”

Lily waved the sheet of paper at him.

“You’re going to help Sam look for his brother,” she demanded.

Barney balked loudly in disbelief.

“Say whaaaattt?!” 

Lily glared at Barney with deep annoyance. 

“You’re the reason Dean passed on banging Robin.”

Robin groaned in her throat and grimaced with offense.

“He’s MIA because of something that happened between you two,” Lily continued. “So you’re going to help look for him.”

Barney moped deeply as he swept his eyes around the bar. 

“And miss out on the hotties?”

Lily cut her eyes deeper into Barney. He squirmed a little under the weight of her glare.

“Uh.....well, just follow the smell of......musk and you should be able to sniff him out quickly,” he moaned.

Lily widened her eyes in fury until Barney scooted out of his seat and got to his feet. Lily pushed the slip of paper in his hand.

“We’ll all meet back here in about an hour or so,” Lily instructed.

 

Marshall shut his eyes as he wandered inside the Shiny Pearl club with Lily at his side. Marshall stumbled into several people as Lily approached the bouncer. 

“Excuse me, have you seen a guy about yay tall......”

Marshall stamped his eyes tighter when he felt them wanting to open. When he felt a hand curling over his arm, he flashed his wedding ring.

“Married! Married! I’m married!” he yelled over the blaring music.

“It’s me!” Lily roared as she tugged him out of the bar.

 

Barney widened his eyes gleefully as he followed Sam inside the Perfect Peaks night club. He pushed his arm across Sam, stopping him inside the door. Barney hitched his head up and inhaled a deep sniff.

“No musk,” he declared. “Let’s have a drink! It’s two dollar lap dances tonight!”

Sam frowned at Barney as he approached the bouncer. Barney sighed as he stepped in front of Sam and regarded the beefy bouncer. 

“Hello, have you seen this Jacket?” he asked as he pointed to the picture in Sam’s hand.

The bouncer glanced at the photo and shook his head. 

“Have you smelled the horrible odor of musk?”

The bouncer shot him an odd look and shook his head. 

“Thank you.”

He glanced at Sam.

“Jacket has not corrupted the precious peaks of this land,” he said. “Investigation over. Party time!”

Barney turned toward the stage and caught the eyes of a dancer. He grinned goofily as she sashayed along the catwalk.

“Daddy’s here to make it rain!!”

 

A short time later, after having no luck Marshall, Ted, Lily and Robin joined up with Sam and Barney at the Hot Clam. Barney grinned as he spotted several of the headliners prancing around stage in skimpy lingerie. 

Sam eyed the bouncer and spoke with him as the gang grouped around Barney. Lily frowned at Barney as he scoped out the girls on stage. He titled his head to the right and flashed a silly grin.

“Mmmmm, the Barnacle is in the mood for some....chowder,” he chimed. 

Lily groaned and smacked Barney in the arm.

“He hasn’t been in here,” Sam sighed. 

Lily gave Sam an encouraging look. 

“Well, there are a couple more places on this list so we’ll keep looking.”

As the gang filed out of the club, Lily rolled her eyes when Barney remained put, ogling the strippers. She yanked him out the door and onto the street. 

“Hey! I was moving in for the hook, line and sink into her,” he moaned. 

Lily stared him down until he fidgeted in his stance, loosening his tie. He sighed with exasperation as he charged down the sidewalk.

“Stupid Jacket always ruining my opportunities,” he muttered.

 

The gang strolled down the block toward the next location. Ted edged up ahead of the gang, ambling next to Sam with deeply curious eyes.

“So Sam, what’s the story between your brother and Barney? I mean, we’ve only heard certain parts of their history but what’s really going on? Why does Dean hate Barney so much?”

“To be honest, I really don’t know,” Sam confessed. “My brother isn’t exactly the sharing and caring type.”

“But he had to have mentioned Barney, I mean, you pointed him out as The Suit,” Ted noted.

Sam let out a breath as he kept an eye on the buildings along the street.

“That’s about as much as I know,” Sam imparted. “A couple years ago in Ohio, my brother came back to our motel one night with the silliest grin on his face and for a few weeks after that, he was in a really good mood.”

Ted blinked with recognition. 

“He met a girl,” he deduced.

Sam nodded. 

“I suspected as much but he refused to tell me. I kind of think it was because he didn’t want to jinx it. Anyway, for a couple of months, he was in high spirits, and then about a week later - he went out one night and when I saw him again, he was royally pissed. I couldn’t get him to tell me what happened other than, ‘That stupid Douche Bag Suit.’ From that point on, Dean has remained tight lipped about the events of that night.”

Ted perched on the curb as Sam glanced at the list before moving through the door of the Silky Kitten club. There were only a few pocketfuls of men in the club as Barney grimaced when his nostrils flared up with a familiar scent.

“Musk,” he moaned.

Sam shifted his eyes around the guys in the club and noticed his brother seated at the stage, a long row of empty beer bottles stacked around him. 

“Dean, I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Dean pulled on his beer as he swept his eyes away from the main attraction on stage. He turned around and eyed his brother until he caught sight of Barney throwing flirtatious looks at a busty waitress near the bar.

“Dammit, what the hell is Stencil doing here?”

Sam heaved a sigh as Dean went back to watching the girl on stage dance. 

“He’s been helping me look for you,” Sam explained. “Why haven’t you returned any of my messages or checked in with me?”

“Maybe it’s because I don’t want to be found Sam,” Dean grunted as he slapped his empty beer bottle down and picked up a fresh one.

Sam eyed the two dozen and a half empty beer bottles next to Dean and sighed again.

“Have you been here all night?”

“I don’t know and I really don’t care,” Dean answered flatly as he flagged down a waitress.

Sam shot his brother a stern expression.

“Maybe you’ve had enough tonight. Let’s go back to the motel, you can sleep it off.”

Dean scoffed as he took a long pull off his beer and noticed Lily, Marshall, Robin and Ted gathering around him with concerned expressions.

“Dude, what the hell is this, an intervention?” he asked with a heavy slur in his speech.

He shifted his glassy eyes over the gang.

“Are you all going to read off a personal letter to me about why I shouldn’t be alone right now or how I have a drinking problem?”

“You’re a cool guy Dean, and we’re just concerned,” Ted stated.

Dean knocked back his beer as Barney casually strolled over. Dean stumbled off his stool and slipped his jacket on. He glared at Barney as he approached. 

“Eat it Stencil, take your Empire State Building and shove it up that stiff ass of yours,” he grunted as he staggered away.

Sam shot an apologetic look to the gang as he took off after his brother. 

“I hope he’ll be okay,” Robin said. 

“Well, we found him and now Sam can make sure he’ll be alright,” Lily posed.

“Yeah, I think he’s probably had his fill of New York,” Ted added.

Barney eyed the group until he broke into a wide grin.

“Do you know what this means?” he asked with heavy excitement.

Barney threw an expectant look at the gang until he was met with clueless expressions. 

“Jacket is retreating! He has picked up his filthy jacket and is leaving New York!”

Barney flashed a victorious smile.

“He is leaving because he knows I am awesome!” he roared. 

Barney did a little dance as he sang joyfully.

“Suit beats Jacket! Suit beats Jacket! Suit beeeeeeeeeeeeats Jacket!”

Lily rolled her eyes as Ted narrowed his on something that caught his attention. He edged closer to the line of empty beer bottles and picked one off, revealing a faded slip of newspaper.

“Hey guys, check this out,” he said.

Lily, Marshall and Robin circled around Ted as he smoothed out the newspaper clipping and held it out for all to see.

“A wedding announcement?” Robin asked.

Lily snatched the clipping out of Ted’s hand and studied it.

“I don’t get it, why would Dean have a wedding announcement stuffed under a beer bottle? Especially since he’s not the groom to be,” Robin mused.

Ted widened his eyes in acknowledgment. 

“That’s exactly WHY he stuffed it under a beer bottle. That’s what started the army of beer bottles. I mean, why would a guy keep a wedding announcement from three years ago unless he’s missing her and moping over her because he had her and lost her. I’ve been there.”

Lily widened her eyes in recognition as she glanced at Robin.

“This has got to be the ‘someone’ you said he mentioned,” she assessed. “This is Dean’s someone! The someone he lost!”

Lily, Marshall, Robin and Ted stared at the photo with caption for a long minute. Barney winked at a dancer as she strolled through the bar. He took pause at his friends staring at something and looked over Lily’s shoulder to check it out. He lit up with a smile.

“Well helloooo Wedding Barbie,” he cooed. 

Lily frowned at Barney as Marshall and Ted settled their eyes on him.

“You don’t know that girl?” Ted asked.

Barney stared at the photo and widened his smile.

“No but I sure would like to,” he answered. “She is hotter than the Sahara desert!”

“So she’s Mrs. Jason Collier now,” Lily replied with a sigh.

“His ‘someone’ became someone else’s someone,” Marshall stated with a glum expression.

Ted shined his amazement as he recalled his brief conversation with Sam.

“This must be the girl Sam was talking about,” Ted said. “The one Dean met in Ohio a couple of years ago and totally flipped for.”

Barney ogled the photograph some more. 

“Well, I’ll say, I’d like to flip THAT in many ways.....”

Barney was about to raise his hand for a high five when he absorbed the glares from the gang.

“What?”

Lily shook her head in disappointment. 

“Barney, take a good look at this photo,” she barked. “You must recognize her because she must be the reason your whole Suit versus Jacket thing started.”

Barney shined his offense.

“What? What are you talking about? The whole thing started because Jacket is vile and inhuman and has no business claiming the Awesome when I already exist!”

Marshall crooked a finger under his chin as he drifted over a thought.

“You know seeing him here, in that state, kind of reminded me of when Lily and I broke up. He was a lump of pain and misery drowning in beer and.....scantily clad ladies.”

“Yeah, he seemed pretty bad last night and not any better today,” Robin replied.

“I still don’t understand why you think I have something to do with this,” Barney remarked with a frown. “Whatever misery Jacket is feeling he brought upon himself, karma can be a bad wardrobe.”

“No Barney, this is your fault,” Lily snapped as the gang filed out of the bar. “Dean doesn’t hate you because you wear fancy suits, he hates you because you remind him of the pain – you remind him of what he lost, of what he loved, of WHO he loved.”

Barney crinkled his face in doubt. “You can’t be serious.”

“I have to agree with Lily,” Ted affirmed. “I kind of felt that there was something else beneath the surface of this bimbo tag competition of yours and last night’s rejection of Robin just confirmed my suspicions.”

Robin groaned loudly and shook her head. “Enough with pointing that out already!”

“Dean met someone he fell for and then suddenly it was over,” Ted imparted. “Sam never knew why other than “that stupid douche bag suit” had something to do with it.”

Lily glared at Barney. “Yeah! You’re ‘that stupid douche bag suit’!”

Barney gasped in horror as he stroked his suit.

“Do not take it out on a harmless, beautiful baby,” he moaned.

“For all you know Barney, that girl of his, could have been his.....his Lily!” Marshall assessed.

Lily widened her eyes and gasped. 

“Yeah! She could have been his ME! But you did something and now his ME is with someone else!”

Lily scowled and turned her eyes away. Barney spat with insult.

“Aren’t you all supposed to be MY friends? Where is the ‘oh poor Barney – you were so savagely swindled by a dirty Jacket? Or the - it’s okay Barney, here’s ten thousand dollars to cheer you up.”

Barney held his head high as the glares from the gang deepened.

“How can you not remember?” Lily asked sharply. 

Lily waved the news clipping in Barney’s face. Barney gulped under the pressure and took a long look at the photo.

“Uh, she looks kind of familiar,” he said.

“Did you tag that?” Ted asked.

“I think I’d remember a girl this hot,” Barney answered.

Lily growled in her throat. 

“Well, you better start remembering quickly Barney. Jog that one track brain of yours and hopefully by the time we get there, it’ll all come back to you.”

Lily grabbed Barney firmly by the arm and towed him out of the club. 

“Where are we going?”

“You are going to fix this feud between you and Dean,” she barked. “Once and for all.”

Barney widened his eyes in dread as Lily ushered him down the street.

TBC


	6. Suit Happens

Barney fumbled down the street as Lily tightened her grip around his arm. 

“Bbbbuttt, why do I have to fix this? There is nothing I can do that will ever repair the misery that is Jacket,” he declared confidently.

Lily glared at Barney in disgust.

“You are responsible for his broken heart Barney.”

Barney snorted in amusement. “That’s assuming Jacket has a heart behind all that musk and vile fuh-fuh-fuhlanel. Which I must say, I am not convinced.”

Robin glanced at her watch and started to break off from the group.

“It’s really late,” she said. “I’ll catch you all later.”

Robin waved before pushing off in a different direction.

Lily rolled her eyes at Barney. 

“Barney, Dean is human like everyone else. He has a heart that beats like everyone else. And you did something to break that heart, so since you broke it, you’re going to fix it.”

“What if I choose not to?”

Ted cut in with a response. “I’d say Dean will probably drop back into your life again in, three or four years to dish you out another can of...whupass.”

Marshall chortled loudly as he high fived Ted. Barney gulped as he envisioned the smell of musk penetrating his nostrils of the future. He shuddered in horror.

“Okay, point made. But what can I really do? There is no helping the Jacket.”

“You need to talk to Dean and find out exactly what you did,” Lily advised.

“Well, we....we don’t even know where he is, he probably left New York already so....”

Barney pulled away from the group and steered in the opposite direction. Marshall fished out a card from his pocket.

“I still got Sam’s number. We can find out where he is. Set up a meeting place on neutral ground, discuss the terms of a truce,” Marshall spouted in his lawyerly tone.

The gang caught up to Barney and enclosed around him. Marshall dialed the number on his cell phone and waited for an answer.

“Do we have to do this tonight? I mean, poor Jacket is probably hugging the porcelain god right now and he’ll just be in a bad mood or....even more of a bad mood than his usual bad mood, god, what is it like to be the misery of Jacket?”

Barney mentally put himself in the shoes of Jacket – probably second hand too - and after a long moment he flashed his nausea and shuddered. 

“Don’t you remember what it was like to be in love Barney?” Ted posed. “How you felt when you were with Robin?”

Barney absorbed the stares from Ted, Lily and Marshall. He gulped as his confident expression faded into a rare sincerity.

“And remember what Marshall was like when he and Lily broke up?” Ted added. “And how YOU moped about Robin?”

“And how Ted moped about Stella?” Lily pointed.

“And how I felt when she left me at the altar?” Ted clarified.

Barney shifted his eyes over the gang and gulped.

“We’ve ALL been there Barney,” Ted stated. “Even a ‘Jacket’.”

Barney soaked in more of their expressions as his own grew humble. 

“What should I do?” 

 

 

One hour later, at a late night bar across town, the gang gathered in a booth in the back. Barney sipped his martini and scoped out the attractive women in the bar but found there were very slim pickings. He squinted at one woman as Lily and Marshall eyed him curiously.

“Ah, who needs beer goggles when you have ‘squint vision’,” he remarked.

Barney widened his eyes and winced at the clear picture of the woman. He squinted at her and grinned.

“Yep, squint vision is gonna be a new thing!” he roared as he raised his martini glass.

Lily rolled her eyes as she glanced at Marshall’s watch.

“Are you sure he’s coming?” she asked with concern.

Marshall waved his large hand dismissively.

“Yeah, Sam said he knew where this place was but that it might take him awhile to find parking.”

Barney scoffed as he squinted at a few more ladies in the bar.

“Who drives in New York?”

Ted cocked his head as he sipped his beer.

“People who don’t live in New York,” he noted. 

Barney nudged Ted in the arm. 

“Check it out, that ‘nottie’ just shot to ‘hottie’ with my squint vision.”

Barney grinned as he deepened his squint and raised his glass to the lady as she strolled by him. A short minute later, Lily straightened in her seat as her eyes fixated on the bar entrance.

“He’s here!” she said excitedly.

Marshall nodded to Sam as he approached the booth. Ted slid over allowing Sam to fold down into the booth. He flashed an apologetic look to the gang.

“Hey everyone, sorry I took so long, I had to park several blocks away.”

“No worries,” Ted said. “Thanks for coming out at this hour.”

“You said it was important.”

As the waitress stopped by the booth, the gang refreshed their drinks. Barney squinted at the waitress and grinned. Sam eyed Barney curiously as his slanted eyes lingered over the waitress. Sam shifted his glance to Ted who simply shook his head.

“Don’t ask man,” Ted said.

“Did you get your brother home okay?” Lily asked.

“Oh, yeah, he grumbled the entire way back but he’s passed out in his bed. I don’t expect him to be up until around oh tomorrow night at least.”

Lily sighed in disappointment.

“So there’s no way we’ll get to talk to him then?”

“It’s better not to,” Sam advised. “Not until he sobers up. And um, it might help if he’s not around.”

Sam eyed Barney who was squinting at another girl in the bar. 

“Well, that’s why we wanted to meet up,” Lily explained.

Lily motioned to Ted who fished out the news clipping from his pocket. Lily snatched it from Ted and showed it to Sam. Sam glanced at the clipping for a moment.

“That’s the girl,” Ted stated.

Sam drew his eyes up to Ted. 

“You mean my brother’s girl?”

Ted nodded. “Yeah.”

Sam glanced at the clipping again.

“I never met her but um, she’s definitely his type,” he replied. “So she got married? That would make sense why he refuses to talk about her.”

Sam shifted in his seat as the waitress dropped beers on the table.

“So what happened?” he asked.

Sam followed the gang’s collective stares on Barney. Barney broke from his squint vision when he felt the weight of gazes. 

“Barney happened,” Lily answered.

After taking in the expectant looks, Barney fumbled with his martini. 

“I don’t know what I did!” he moaned. “Why can’t you just ask Jacket? He hates me and would love to tell you all about it.”  
Sam shook his head. “Like I said before, my brother isn’t the type to open up about his personal life, he’s not just going to volunteer that information.”

Ted tapped on the news clipping that Sam had set on the table. His eyes widened with an idea.

“Well, why don’t we ask her?”

The gang shifted their eyes on Ted.

“I mean if Barney really doesn’t remember and Dean won’t talk about it, that leaves us with one other person in this equation.”

Lily flapped her hands in excitement. 

“Mrs. Jason Collier! Of course! She should know what happened!”

Ted picked up the clipping. “It says here that Collier was joining his family’s medical practice in upstate New York.”

“She’s in New York?!” Lily gasped. “Oh! Oh my god! It’s a sign!”

“Oh, that’s just a coincidence,” Barney groaned.

Marshall glared at Barney. “Dude, there’s no such thing as coincidence. This is a sign from a greater power.”

Sam threw Marshall an odd look. Ted shot Sam a look.

“Don’t ask.”

“We have to go upstate! We have to talk to this girl,” Lily stressed.

Lily slipped on her coat and started to shimmy out of the booth.

“Wait, hold on a second,” Sam interjected. “Do you really think it’s a good idea to ask another man’s wife about her ex? I mean, what ever happened between her and my brother is over and she obviously moved on. It’s probably a sore spot in her life so maybe we should just let this go.”

Lily moped deeply. “But you saw how miserable Dean was tonight, like his heart had been ripped out all over again and ran over by a semi truck. No matter how much he denies it, he’s missing her. And Barney is involved in all of this. So maybe if Barney talks to her, he’ll remember and then he can apologize to Dean and their stupid bimbo banging contest can be over for good.”

Sam sucked in a breath and widened his eyes.

“Bim.....I don’t even want to know,” he moaned.

“If anything, this might help your brother to move on,” Ted said. “Give him some closure, you know?”

“Yeah, I see your point,” Sam acceded. 

 

Early the next day, Sam met up with the gang at MacLaren’s. He pulled up a chair next to their table.

“Okay, I’ve got an address on Collier,” he stated.

“Really? How did you manage that?” Ted asked in surprise.

“Um, don’t ask.”

The gang gathered into two cabs, Lily, Marshall, Sam in one and Ted, Barney and Robin in another. 

Marshall leaned toward Sam in the backseat and drew a goofy smile.

“So, Sam, are you a believer too?”

Sam blinked with surprise. “Uh, a believer in what?”

Marshall widened his eyes gleefully. “Oh, you know all things extraordinary like.....Bigfoot and Nessie and.....werewolves.”

Sam cocked an eyebrow in curiosity. “Um, I take it, you are?”

“Well yeah, because there is scientific evidence regarding the existence of these marvelously fascinating creatures......not to mention all the stuff coming out about Roswell, you believe in aliens right? Your brother is a believer so that’s why I assumed you were too.”

“My brother, told you he believed in werewolves?”

“He’s open to the VERY POSSIBLE idea of other beings out there in the world,” Marshall cited with a grin. 

Marshall waited expectantly for an acknowledgement. Sam gulped as he shifted in his seat.

“Um, well, it is a big universe,” Sam stated. “So um, anything is possible.”

Marshall widened his grin. “That’s what I say!”

Lily eyed Sam with a curious expression.

“You know Sam, what do you and your brother do for a living anyway? I never got around to asking.”

Sam slipped a hand behind his neck and began massaging it.

“Uh, right now we’re just um, traveling around the country, sometimes we consult with people on um, unconventional problems.”

“Oh, like what?” Lily posed.

Sam gulped as he shifted his sights to Marshall.

“Uh, Marshall, seen any giant sewer alligators?” Sam asked as he forced out a laugh.

Marshall drew a very serious expression. “Not presently but I am constantly on the lookout every time I’m near a manhole.”

 

A few hours later, the gang filed out of their cabs and strolled through a posh residential community. 

“Wow, this place is tight,” Ted said. 

“Yeah, looks like Dean’s Lily really moved on,” Marshall added.

Sam checked his sheet of paper and perched on the sidewalk in front of a two story Colonial style house.

“This is it,” Sam stated.

“What are we going to say?” Ted asked.

Barney stepped up and raised a hand. 

“I know, how about......this is ridiculous!”

Barney tried to make a beeline through the gang but Marshall clapped his hand on his shoulder. Marshall steered him to the porch as Barney continued to protest.

“Tell you what Barney, if you can fix this mess up, I’ll hand out the fifth and final slap bet,” Marshall said. “No more cowering every time I raise my hand to scratch my head or pick up my beer or wave.”

Barney gawked at Marshall for a long minute before he sighed.

“Okay,” he said. 

After gathering around the porch, Ted rapped on the door. A short minute later, the door swung open and a young guy in his mid thirties eyed the group.

“Can I help you?”

The gang exchanged looks of wonder as Ted tried to drum up a story.

“Uh hello, sir, uh, Dr. Collier I presume?”

“Yes, can I help you?”

“We’d like to talk to your wife!” Lily blurted.

“My wife?”

“Yes! We really need to speak with her,” Lily sputtered.

“May I ask who all of you are?”

“Uh.....” Lily started.

The gang shot looks of panic to each other as Sam emerged to the front.

“We’re with the alumni committee,” Sam lied. “And we’re here to make sure your wife had the latest update on the upcoming reunion this fall.”

Collier leaned in the doorway and studied the group suspiciously.

“You guys are with the Boston Review?”

“Yes,” Sam said firmly.

“You drove all the way out here just to deliver a newsletter?”

“We’re very spirited,” Ted said with a smile. 

Lily pushed her way to the front. “So is she home? Your Mrs?”

“Uh, yes, one second.”

Collier stepped into the foyer and looked over his shoulder.

“Hon can you come down here for a minute? There are some people here to see you!”

Lily bounced with anticipation as footsteps trekked down the stairs. Lily widened her eyes when she saw the young woman approaching the door. Lily stared at Marshall and the rest of the gang with confusion as the young woman regarded them.

“Can I help you?”

“You’re Mrs. Jason Collier?” Ted asked.

“Yes.”

Sam gaped with shock as the rest of the gang whispered softly behind him.

“Uh, hope to see you at the reunion,” Sam muttered. 

Lily gulped and waved emphatically before bolting off the porch. The rest of the gang quickly retreated, trying not to look behind them. They took off down the sidewalk and ventured toward the designated cab stations.

“Unless Collier is living two lives, I’d say that wasn’t the girl we’re looking for,” Ted assessed. 

“Yeah, that was unexpected,” Sam said. 

Lily gasped with glee. “That was a sign! Don’t you see guys? Dean’s Lily didn’t get married to that doctor! Because she wasn’t meant to marry that guy! She’s out there and probably missing Dean too!”

“She could be anywhere,” Robin pointed. “It’s not going to be easy to find her. And you don’t even know for sure if she’s not married to someone else or involved.”

Lily shook her head. “Things happen for a reason.”

“The universe works in mysterious ways,” Marshall chimed.

“She never got married because she wasn’t meant to be with that guy,” Lily stressed.

Lily eyed Sam with an anxious look.

“Do you think you can find her? You found Collier’s address.”

Sam absorbed the looks from the gang.

“Uh, I can check with my.....contacts and see if they can track her down.”

 

Several hours later, back at McClaren’s, the gang gathered at their booth as Sam ambled in. 

“Hey, any luck?” Ted asked.

“Actually, yeah, it turns out she doesn’t have the best driving record, she had a couple of very minor moving violations in the past year.”

Sam took in Ted’s immensely questioning look.

“Uh, I have a contact on the force,” Sam said. “He looked her up in the system.”

Lily widened her eyes at the DMV record. 

“She’s in Connecticut?!”

Lily sighed but remained determined.

“This is my biggest matchmaking challenge yet,” she said.

“I don’t know, maybe this is a fruitless mission,” Sam said. 

“Don’t you believe in true love Sam? Don’t you want your brother to be happy again? Don’t you believe in fate? I’m going to help these two find their way back to each other. It’s not going to be easy, it’s not going to be clear cut but I’m going to do this! Because The Jacket deserves loves just like everyone else!” Lily cried emphatically. 

Sam soaked in her conviction. “Have you ever considered going into the legal profession?”

 

 

Barney, Sam, Lily and Ted made the drive out to a small town in Connecticut. After passing through several neighborhoods, they approached a multi story apartment complex in the heart of town. Lily rapped on the door and bounced in her stance. After a minute, the door swung open. Lily grinned with glee when she recognized the girl from the news clipping.

“It’s you!” Lily cried.

“Uh, can I help you?” the girl asked with suspicious eyes.

Sam edged toward her.

“Miss Summers? Buffy Summers?”

“Yeah, who are you?”

As her eyes looked over the group, she paused on Barney and studied him for a minute.

“Do I know you?”

Barney threw a flirtatious smile and straightened his tie. 

“Well, you certainly can, you little hot dish,” he chimed. “I’d like to scoop out......”

Lily smacked Barney hard in the arm and glared sharply at him. Barney gulped and let his smile fade.

“I mean, yes, we have met before,” Barney replied. “Only, I don’t know where.”

“Oh-kayyyyy,” Buffy replied with a strange look. 

She narrowed her eyes on Barney as he fumbled with his tie. Sam took the lead, shining a polite smile.

“Uh, Miss Summers, I was wondering if we could talk to you for a few minutes,” Sam said. “It’s about this guy Barney and....my brother and you.”

Buffy crossed her arms over her chest and shifted her eyes from Sam, to Barney in his suit and then back to Sam.

“Your brother?”

“Yeah, um, Dean.”

Buffy sucked in a breath as she nearly stumbled back into her apartment. After a moment to absorb her shock, she shrouded into a frown.

“Whatever you have to say about him, I don’t want to hear it,” she said. “So sorry you wasted a trip.”

Buffy stepped back into her apartment and started to draw the door close.

“Wait!” Lily roared. “You have to tell us what happened!”

Buffy glared at Lily. 

“Who are you exactly and why do you care?”

“My name is Lily and all of us know Dean, he’s been hanging out with us and tried to um, well, he inadvertently mentioned something about you and how Barney ruined his life so we came out here to see if you remember what he did.....please, we’ve been looking all over for you!”

Buffy absorbed Lily’s desperate cry as her eyes floated over the group before settling on Sam.

“Um, he mentioned you but I never got the chance to meet you,” she acknowledged softly.

“Yeah, all I know is that one day he met you and was....the happiest I’ve ever seen him and a few months later.....” Sam started.

“Well, he screwed it up and I left and it’s over and done with,” she said sharply. “Now if you don’t mind I’d like you all to leave.”

Barney noticed the moisture swelling in her eyes as she gripped the door. He widened his eyes in recognition.

“Buffy, please give us just five minutes,” Lily pleaded.

Barney gently grabbed Lily’s arm. 

“We should go,” Barney stressed. “Sorry to have troubled you.”

Barney steered Lily toward the hall as the door swung shut. As they peeled out of the main entrance, Lily slumped with disappointment.

“We’ll give her some time and then ‘conveniently’ drop back in,” Lily said. “We need to find out where the mall is. I can ‘casually’ wander around and then tackle her.”

“Or we can just go home,” Barney said. 

Lily frowned with disapproval. “No more weaseling out of this Barney. This is your fault. You hurt people.”

“I’m not trying to weasel out this,” Barney said. “But it’s obvious Miss Moody doesn’t want to talk to us.”

“Yeah, I have to agree,” Ted said. “We can try again in a couple of days.”

Lily shook her head. “But Dean could leave town by then. Unless you can get him to stay?”

Lily stared up at Sam with hopeful eyes.

“That might difficult,” Sam groaned. “He wanted to leave this morning so I had to make up a story about meeting up with some old Stanford buddies that were in town. I don’t know how much longer I can keep him here. He’s bent on getting out of dodge.”

“I’m not giving up,” Lily said.

“Well, there’s no point in hanging around here,” Ted said. “We should regroup at the pub and come up with something else.”

Lily heaved a sigh as she climbed into the back of a cab.

 

 

Later that evening, Barney perched in the hallway as the door of an apartment unit swung open. Buffy Summers stared up at him with a disapproving frown.

“I told you that I didn’t want to....”

Barney hitched up a hand. “Three and a half years ago, I was in Columbus, Ohio for a business conference. I went out to this trendy club on Roosevelt Avenue where the ladies were a plenty, you were there at the bar waiting for Jacket to come back.”

Buffy shined her immense surprise. 

“You were in Ohio? Wait, who’s Jacket?”

Barney looked over her shoulder at the modestly decorated apartment.

“His birth name is Dean Winchester,” Barney stated. “But I call him Jacket.”

“Because of his leather jacket.”

Barney nodded as he drew out a breath. 

“I thought you said you didn’t remember how I know you.”

“I didn’t at first,” Barney admitted. “But then I saw you.....it suddenly came to me.”

Barney drew a sincere expression.

“Jacket didn’t screw things up,” he said. “I did.”

 

 _Three and a half years ago_  
Columbus, Ohio

Barney strolled into a trendy night club called Shutters and drew a wide grin when he saw the abundance of attractive young women roaming around. 

“Ladies night! The Barnacle has hit the hottie lottery!”

Barney flashed his winning smile to every delicious girl he passed by as he made his way to the bar. As he waited for his drink order, he adjusted his Italian silk tie and scoped out more hot girls. He picked up his martini as his eyes settled on a gorgeous young blonde at the far end of the bar, sitting by herself. 

Barney cracked a sly smile as he admired the blonde. 

“Oh heavenly goodness,” he said. “A lone Angel in the bar begging to find redemption after sinning a whole, whole lot.”

Barney slid across the u shaped bar until he was a stool away from the blonde. He threw his most charming smile as the blonde stared off at the dance floor.

“Hi there, you look SO bored,” he said. “Well the Barn Door has opened for business and it’s nothing but good times from this point on, so COME ON IN.”

The blonde rolled her eyes and turned her back on him. Barney shifted around her stool to face her.

“You look really familiar, have I seen you in my fantasy? YES.”

The blonde rolled her eyes and sighed. 

“Look, normally, if it wasn’t this crowded, I’d crack my fist in your face,” she barked over the music. “So I’m going to take the polite and discreet route and say, move on, cuz I’m here with someone.”

The blonde swung her stool to face the bar. Barney snorted with amusement as the blonde became an exciting challenge. 

“Well, if they are as hot as you, bring her along too, three is NEVER a crowd for me!” he roared.

The blonde heaved a deep sigh. 

“I’m on a date,” she snapped. “With my boyfriend. He’s over there by the DJ trying to get him to play something from the Woodstock era.”

Barney played along with this hottie’s unwavering attempt to convince him she wasn’t all alone. He followed her pointing finger to the far end of the dance floor and saw a young dark blonde guy in a brown leather jacket hunched over the DJ stand talking to an even younger guy with a Mohawk. 

Barney snorted loudly. 

“The Jacket? That Jacket is on a date, with you? Hardly. But nice try.”

Barney chuckled as the blonde rolled her eyes. She slipped off her stool and moved a few seats away. Undaunted, Barney took a long sip from his martini and drummed up some more charm. He balked when he felt a hard bump in his shoulder as he pushed down the bar. He blinked, then grimaced when the strong scent of musk penetrated his nostrils. 

“Sorry man,” the Jacket said.

Barney deepened his grimace as he got a closer look at Jacket. He shuddered when his eyes were blinded by the putrid sight of a FUH-FUH-LAN-NEL shirt beneath that weather beaten leather jacket. Beneath that FUH-FUH-LAN-NEL shirt was an even more unpleasant cotton TUH-TUH-TEE SHIRT. Barney shuddered several times as the Jacket brushed passed him and perched by the blonde. Barney blinked in disbelief as the blonde moped in front of the Jacket.

“What?! The devil of fashion IS on a date with Fantasy Barbie?”

Barney edged a little closer to Jacket and Blondie, eavesdropping on their conversation.

“Okay, this place sucks,” Jacket moaned. “That punk thinks Jefferson Airplane is an ACTUAL airliner.”

Jacket shook his head as Blondie drew a silly smile.

“It’s not his fault you’re stuck in the past.”

“No one appreciates good music anymore,” Jacket groaned. 

“Well, I appreciate you taking me out here, it’s nice to get away from those dingy bars we were habiting.”

“Well, sorry you had to trek out from the palace from those ‘dingy’ bars,” he cracked. “Hate to dirty up those glass slippers of yours.”

Barney gulped with disgust as Blondie seemed to melt under Jacket’s smarmy smile. 

“You want another drink?”

“No, I’ve had my fill, take me home?” Blondie asked with a smile.

“Absolutely,” Jacket answered emphatically. “I’m gonna hit the little boys room and then I’ll whisk you off sweet thing.”

Barney shuddered violently as Blondie kissed Jacket on the cheek. Barney watched Jacket as he weaved through hoards of attractive ladies toward the back of the club. Barney grimaced again as the scent of musk wafted over him. He drew a nauseous expression as he eyed Jacket before shifting his sights on the hot blonde. She was dressed fabulously in a green halter top and a long black skirt, her golden locks falling around her bronzed shoulders, her small framed body angled against the bar. She was exquisite, far too exquisite for a Jacket, a complete Heathen of Fashion. There had to be something wrong with her, a deep dark ‘oh’ moment she was hiding, or maybe she was thirty. No, she looked to be in her mid twenties but he had learned many women were older than they appeared. She didn’t have crazy eyes either and for all he saw, there didn’t seem to be anything wrong with her so why, why God why was she with....a Jacket?

Barney sank the rest of his martini as he wandered across the dance floor and toward the men’s room. In the short hallway, he spotted Jacket in the midst of a fist fight with a bald headed biker guy. Jacket threw the biker guy against the wall and hit him in the face. The biker guy took a swing but Jacket dodged out of the way. Barney blinked in disbelief again. Not only was Jacket a filthy well jacket, but he had the manners of a wild gorilla. Before he knew it, the biker guy tumbled to the floor and passed out as Jacket sailed into the men’s room. Barney gulped down his distaste for Jacket as he noticed a busty waitress shuffling out of the women’s room. A minute later, an older man in a suit snuck out of the women’s room as the waitress adjusted her skirt. 

Barney snorted when he was convinced the fates had aligned in his favor with these set of events that fell into his lap. When the blonde saw him, she immediately turned her back toward him. Barney pulled a concerned expression over his face as he approached the bar. The blonde lost her patience and swung around on her stool.

“Look, I told you I’m not interested, okay?” the blonde growled.

“My apologies for coming on so strong earlier,” Barney said. “I thought I could extend an olive branch and let you know that I just saw your date in the bathroom with that waitress.”

Barney hitched a thumb toward the busty waitress who was frantically fixing her tousled up hair as she drifted to the bar. 

“What? No, you’re mistaken. He wouldn’t do that. He said....”

“I’m sorry but it happened, look.”

Barney nodded toward Jacket as he emerged from the back of the club. The blonde looked over his shoulder. Barney bit back his smile as Jacket fixed up his own tousled hair and disheveled shirt.

“You really deserve a better man,” Barney stated. “One who will respect you, be loyal to you, dress impeccably well in the finest suits money can buy.”

Barney drifted back a few steps as Jacket approached the blonde. 

“We better scoot out of here fast,” Jacket remarked with an apprehensive look. 

Barney soaked in the glare the blonde rained upon Jacket. She slid off her stool, hiked her purse over her shoulder and pushed by Jacket.

“I can’t believe you,” she moaned as her eyes welled with tears.

“Believe what?”

The blonde charged passed Barney, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

 

 

Barney soaked in the blonde’s glare as he lingered in the hallway.

“You despicable jerk! Why the hell did you do that? Just for the chance of me crying on your shoulder?”

Buffy scoffed deeply as her eyes soaked with moisture.

“It was wrong,” Barney admitted. “I know that because I can see now how it hurts.”

Buffy shook her head in disbelief. 

“You sabotaged my relationship because you didn’t like his fashion sense. You put it into my head that Dean cheated on me while he was on a date with ME!”

Barney drew a humble look as he took in Buffy’s ire.

“I may have put it in your head, but you didn’t have to believe it.”

After a long minute of silence, Buffy retreated into her apartment, leaving the door wide open. Barney strolled inside as she folded down onto the couch arm and reeled with emotion.

“Why did you come here? Why did you have to dig this all back up when it’s been over for a long time?”

Barney deepened his humble expression.

“I never really knew why Jacket – Dean hated me so much. I just thought it was because we were warring for the ultimate title of ‘Awesome’. But now, after all of this, I realize he hates me.....because I hurt you. And I hurt him. And, I’m sorry.”

Barney soaked in her intense look of wonder. 

“You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say? I thought that Dean was the one guy in my sucky love life who was different, who was gonna last, and then you......you got jealous over some petty thing and ruined it, you ruined everything!” she barked.

Barney stuffed his hands in his pockets. 

“Did I? You took my word over his. Doesn’t that say something?”

Barney absorbed her harsh glare. 

“I’m not here to deflect the blame,” Barney said. “I know that it was stupid and immature to do that to two people who obviously had a good thing.”

“What do you know about ‘good things’? You couldn’t take a hint after the sixth time you hit on me,” she pointed brusquely.

Barney cocked his head and kept his humble look over his face.

“Jacket found you, and this Suit found someone too,” Barney confessed. “I dated a really awesome girl last year but it didn’t work out.”

Buffy scoffed again. “Really? Did someone sabotage your relationship cuz they didn’t like your suit?”

Barney heaved a sigh of surrender. 

“The point is, I broke the ship and I want to fix it,” he said. 

After a minute of tense silence, Barney edged toward the couch. 

“Why bother? We both moved on with our lives.”

“Have you? Because right now you’ve got Mosby eyes.”

“I’ve got what?”

“Oh, my friend Ted Mosby, he’s searching for his true love and every time he goes through a break up with someone he thought was ‘the one’ he gets that sad puppy dog look in his eyes. He’s done it so often that I renamed puppy dog eyes, The Mosby Eyes.”

Barney slumped his shoulders and dropped his face into his best ‘Sad Ted’ impression for a second. He shifted back into a casual look.

“Anyway, Jacket is in New York and he’s got a bad case of Mosby Eyes. By the looks of your pad here, you live alone?”

“Um, yeah.”

Barney drew a confident smile. 

“Then Jacket can be mended. And it’ll take the finest suit in all of New York to do it!”

 

A little while later, Barney strolled into MacClaren’s and spotted Lily, Ted, Marshall and Robin at their usual table. Lily widened her eyes when she saw Barney walk in.

“Oh. My. God,” she gasped.

Ted, Marshall and Robin followed Lily’s sights as Barney ambled up to the table, with a familiar face at his side.

“Barney! You....brought Dean’s Lily! How did you.....”

Buffy gave an awkward smile.

“Um, hi,” she said softly.

“No time to explain,” Barney said. “We’ve got work to do. It’s time to mend the Jacket!”


	7. A Suit Mends a Jacket

Barney pulled two chairs up next to the table as Lily anxiously bounced in her seat.

“Oh my god Buffy, you came out here with Barney! This is so great!”

“So you remembered her?” Ted asked, eyeing Barney.

Barney straightened his tie and flashed a smug smile.

“Of course I did,” he said. “A gorgeous face like that, I’d never forget.”

“Well, why didn’t you say something earlier?” Lily asked.

Buffy stared at Barney until he felt the weight of her eyes and glanced over at her.

“Uh, well, I thought it was best to talk to Buffy one on one,” he said. “This is a very delicate matter and I....”

“He didn’t want to face the humiliation from all of you,” Buffy finished bluntly.

Barney gulped as all eyes fell on him.

“So what did you do?” Ted posed.

“Yeah, fess up now Barney,” Lily stressed with a frown.

As the stares deepened, Buffy heaved a sigh when Barney simply shifted awkwardly in his seat.

“Well, basically, I uh....I.......” he stammered.

“Barney’s a prick,” Buffy finished with a sharp look. 

Barney absorbed the stares and turned his eyes to Buffy. He drew a heavy sigh.

“Yes, I hurt the jacket on purpose,” he moaned. 

Lily glared deeply at Barney. 

“TELL,” she demanded.

Barney gulped and loosened his tie as the stares deepened some more.

 

Fifteen minutes later:

Barney absorbed the new set of stares from the gang after retelling the events of that fateful night. As the gang let the revelation settle, Barney acknowledged the collective looks of disapproval.

“I know that I was....”

“Sonofabitch,” Lily growled through her teeth.

She leaned over and smacked Barney on the side of the face. He flinched from the impact.

“Owwwww!” Barney wailed as he rubbed his ear.

“God Barney, that was wrong in so many ways,” Robin chastised.

“Yeah Barney, you’re a horrible, horrible person,” Lily added. “All of this started because of some stupid distaste you had over Dean’s wardrobe. That was no reason to wreck the happiness of two people who were obviously in love.”

Marshall folded his long arms across his chest and frowned at Barney.

“I can’t stand to even look at you right now,” he snapped.

Marshall shook his head and looked away. Ted clutched his beer bottle and cocked his head. 

“That was pretty rotten Barney,” he added. “I mean of all the girls available that night, you went after Buffy.”

“With malicious intent,” Marshall muttered.

Barney moped deeply. 

“Okay! I know it was wrong!”

Lily shifted her eyes to Buffy and softened her expression. 

“I hope he apologized to you.”

“As a matter of fact, he did,” Buffy confirmed.

“Well, that’s one down,” Ted said. “One to go.”

Barney fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair.

“You think Jacket is going to accept my apology?” Barney asked.

Ted shrugged. “If you own up to what you did, it’s possible.”

“Yeah Barney, I’d say, take any punishment Jacket wants to dish out on you like a real man and you might walk away with SOME dignity,” Marshall said.

Lily glanced at Buffy before regarding Barney.

“No matter Barney, you are bringing Dean something very precious to him, so that has to earn you some slack.”

As the gang fell into a silence, Buffy cleared her throat.

“So, um, what happens now?” she asked.

Barney hitched up his head and clutched the lapels of his suit. 

“Now, by the power of my glorious suit, we shall plan the ultimate, romantic date with Jacket.....”

Barney rubbed his chin and pondered his thoughts.

“Let’s see.....what would be the perfect romantic date for Jacket and his lady.....”

As the gang mulled over ideas, Lily brightened with excitement. 

“Oh! I know! We can have Dean meet you at Central Park and then you stroll up in a horse drawn carriage, with a canister of hot cocoa and a blanket on your lap so you can cuddle!”

Marshall shined a goofy grin. “You can feed the baby ducks in the pond and give them names.....”

“There is a classic movie festival at NYU,” Ted mentioned. “Dean’s quite the movie enthusiast.”

“Or, you can shoot guns at the firing range,” Robin said, her own eyes sparking with excitement.

Buffy shifted in her seat as Barney chimed in. He drew a wide smile as he started to paint a picture.

“No, no, it must be the ultimate super date,” he said. “First a limo arrives to pick you up and take you to a five star restaurant, where your every need will be catered to, then you will be whisked away in a hot air balloon, as the sun sets you will snack on chocolates and champagne, THEN, you will get in a horse drawn carriage that takes you through Central park where you will make a stop to listen to a string quartet playing your favorite love songs under the bright moonlight, THEN .....”

Buffy held her hand up and drew a polite smile.

“Um I appreciate all of your suggestions but um, it’s a little much. I mean Dean is a very simple guy, you know, he’s happy with a burger, a beer and a vinyl record of some old band from the seventies.”

Barney absorbed her advice and then shook his head.

“No, no, no,” he said. “He can have that any time, you and Jacket need the most special night out......”

“And let Barney pay for everything!” Lily stated.

Barney did a double take at Lily. She glared at him until he cracked.

“Um, of course, let no expense be spared.”

“Maybe I could just come here,” Buffy suggested.

She heaved a sigh of apprehension.

“I mean, I said a lot of things to him and he.....he might not even WANT to see me,” she said. “I was really mad at him.”

Lily shook her head and flashed a look of encouragement.

“True love can endure anything Buffy,” she said. “Just look at me and Marshall.”

Marshall squeezed Lily’s shoulder and beamed a loving smile at her.

“We broke up for a time,” Lily imparted. “And now we’re married because we were always meant for each other. Just like you and Dean are.”

“Yeah you know,” Marshall started. “With Dean showing up here to torment Barney for the entire week and then finding out about you, and that you didn’t get married, and showing up here. Well, I would say this is all one great big MIRACLE.”

Marshall fixated his glare on Robin who scoffed and rolled her eyes. Ted tapped his fingers on the table and regarded Buffy.

“It was pretty obvious that he still has feelings for you,” Ted replied. 

Buffy widened her eyes in surprise. 

“Did he tell you that? Because um, he’s not really....”

Ted nodded in acknowledgment. “A sharing and caring guy, yeah, I know. Sam mentioned it. But actions speak louder than words......”

Barney nodded. 

“Yeah, the Jacket was wallowing in foul misery at that strip club.”

“What?” Buffy asked. 

Lily glared at Barney. Barney gulped as he fidgeted in his seat. 

“Um, I mean.......STEAK club, strip STEAK club,” Barney covered.

Lily steered the gang back on topic.

“All that matters is that you’re here, Dean is here and now we just have to get you two together in the same place......”

“So, what’s the most romantic place in New York?” Ted posed. “I mean this is THE city for tourist attractions.”

“You’ve got museums,” Lily said.

“The Statue of Liberty,” Marshall said.

“Rockefeller Center,” Ted added. “Staten Island.”

As the gang paused to drum up more suggestions, Buffy cleared her throat. 

“Um, this is my first time in New York and I.....I kind of wanted to see.....the um, Empire State Building.....it’s silly huh?”

Ted brightened with enthusiasm.

“No, on the contrary,” he started. “The Empire State Building is a marvelous architectural piece of.....”

Before Ted could ramble on, Lily popped her eyes wide and cut in.

“Oh! Oh my god! That’s perfect! You can surprise Dean on the top of the Empire State Building! It’ll be just like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle!”

Marshall shined a dreamy smile as his eyes grew misty. 

“Oh, that is so romantic!”

“And the view at night is quite amazing,” Ted stated.

Barney looked around the gang before drawing his eyes on Buffy.

“It’s settled then!” he cheered. “You will have the ultimate romantic date at the Empire State Building!”

After a flurry of excited agreement, Lily eyed Buffy.

“Do you have a place to stay Buffy?” Lily asked.

“Um, Barney is putting me up at.....”

Lily frowned at Barney.

“Barney! You didn’t.”

“At the Roosevelt Hotel,” Buffy finished.

“Oh,” Lily sighed. “Well, what are you going to wear?”

“You know, maybe we should update Sam, make sure he can keep Dean in town for another day,” Marshall replied. “He did mention it was getting difficult to keep him around.”

“I’m on it,” Ted said as he took out his cell phone.

“Um, it’s really late,” Buffy pointed. “And it was a long drive. I’m pretty beat.”

“Yeah, I’ll just leave a voicemail for Sam,” Ted said.

Lily clutched Buffy by the arm and bounced excitedly.

“I’ll help you get settled into your hotel and then tomorrow I’ll come by and help you pick something out to wear!” 

 

Later the next afternoon, Sam anxiously paced the motel room eyeing the time. He fished out his cell phone and dialed a number he had scrawled on the motel stationary.

“Hey Ted, it’s Sam,” he said. “Sorry I didn’t call back sooner but um, my brother pulled another disappearing act on me last night.....yeah, he had the decency to check in with me this time....anyways, what is this about a meeting? Oh......Barney did what? Oh, wow.....okay, so what do you need me to do?”

Sam glanced at his watch again as he adjusted the phone against his ear.

“That’s gonna be a challenge, my brother is on his way back now and he’s adamant about checking out today........... uh Lily? Uh, hi.......yeah, yeah I know, I’m all for it, I really am, it’s just my brother............”

Sam heaved a deep sigh as Lily’s tone grew excitable.

“I’ll think of.....something. What time do you need us to be there? Sunset, right......that’s great, yeah, he really is going to be surprised. I’ll get him there somehow......bye.”

Sam heaved a breath as he stuffed his phone in his pocket. A few minutes later, Dean swept through the motel room door looking haggard and exhausted. He glanced very briefly at Sam as he peeled off his jacket.

“I’m hitting the shower and then we’re hitting the road,” he groaned.

“Okay,” Sam said as his brother shut the door to the bathroom. 

 

 

A short time later, Lily bounced in her stance as Buffy came out of a bathroom in her hotel room wearing a simple little black dress with strappy heels. Her golden hair was curled and cascading around her shoulders as she slipped her hoop earrings in.

“Wow,” Lily gasped. “Girl, that look earns you a ‘two syllable damn’.”

Buffy furrowed her brows in curiosity.

“A what?”

“Oh you know.....”

Lily swaggered like a man toward Buffy and stopped to give her a double take.

“Da-mnnnnnnn!” she roared in a deep voice.

Buffy snorted softly in amusement as Barney drew a smile of approval.

“Yes, you are incapable of looking anything but exquisite,” he said.

Buffy flashed an appreciative smile as she took a study of herself in the dresser mirror.

“Are you sure he’s going to be there?” Buffy asked.

Lily nodded emphatically. “Sam said he’s going to get Dean there, even if he has to throw him in the trunk of a car......okay, I threatened him to do the last part, but he’s going to be there.”

“It will be the surprise of the century!” Barney roared.

“I can’t wait to see Dean’s reaction when he sees you after all these years!” Lily cooed. “It’s going to be....”

“Legen...” Barney started.

Barney wandered around the room, glanced out the window, admired the silk drapes before returning to his original spot.

“Dary!” he finished.

Lily bounced in her stance as she fished out her camera. Buffy glanced at Barney and Lily with an odd look.

“Um, are you guys all going to be there, watching?” Buffy asked apprehensively. “Cuz um, it might make things.....more awkward.”

“Oh no worries, we’ll stay out of sight,” Lily promised. 

Lily eyed the clock on the bedside table.

“We should get going and beat the rush hour traffic,” she advised.

Buffy nodded and grabbed her coat as Lily and Barney walked out of the room with her.

 

Meanwhile, across town:

 

“Okay, we’re all checked out, let’s get out of here,” Dean groaned as he breezed through the motel door. 

Dean frowned as Sam was just putting his toiletry kit in his bag along with a few rolled up shirts.

“Jesus, why aren’t you packed yet?”

“I um, got caught up in something when you were checking out,” Sam answered vaguely.

“Well hurry your ass up Sam, I want to roll out of this damn forsaken town,” Dean snapped.

Sam hastily stuffed the remainder of his belongings in his bag, fetched his laptop and jacket and ambled toward the door. He paused before opening the door and glanced at his brother dressed in his usual long sleeve flannel and brown leather jacket. 

“Are you um, going to wear that?”

Dean flashed Sam an odd look.

“What are you the fashion police?” 

Sam gulped as he absorbed his brother’s annoyed glare.

“No, I just thought......”

As Dean deepened his annoyance, Sam sighed in surrender. 

“Never mind,” he muttered.

Dean blew out a sigh as Sam walked with him through the parking lot and to the car.

“Um, I just want to make one stop before we head out,” Sam posed.

Dean bolted to a stop.

“Wait, what?”

“It’ll be quick, I swear,” Sam stated.

Dean hitched his hands on his hips and flashed his aggravation.

“Dammit Sam, why didn’t you take care of it yesterday?” 

“It just came up,” Sam said firmly. “Look, the quicker we go and take care of it, the quicker we can get out of here.”

Dean hitched an eyebrow up in total dismay.

“We? I thought you said YOU wanted to make a stop, how did I suddenly get roped into whatever this is?”

Sam shrugged with a forced casual look. 

“I just figured you could go with me,” Sam said. “I haven’t seen you much.”

Dean snorted derisively as he pivoted toward the car. 

“What, you miss me or something?”

Sam shaded with a snarky smile. “Yeah, I really miss your abrasive, ‘go to hell’ attitude that you’ve been giving to just about everyone over the passed few days. I thought you could dish some of that out to me.”

After a minute of silence, Dean shook his head.

“Whatever,” he groaned as he pushed his key into the trunk lock. “Just be quick about it man.”

Dean flipped the trunk open and he and Sam loaded their bags inside. Sam pivoted toward the sidewalk as Dean shut the trunk.

“What are you doing?”

“Walking,” Sam stated. “It is New York.”

“But only the natives WALK,” Dean pointed out sharply. “Why can’t we drive?”

“You want to spend an hour or more sitting in traffic and then another half hour or more trying to find a parking space?”

Dean glanced out at the main intersection that was already jam packed with taxi cabs and tourist buses.

“Good point,” he said as he circled around the car and joined Sam on the sidewalk. “So where are we going?”

“Um, into the city.”

Dean bolted to a stop in surprise. 

“What? You want to WALK to the city? That’s like fifty million blocks!”

“Yeah Dean, the weather is pretty decent considering this time of year and New York is one of the best places in the country to see by foot.”

As Dean groused in silence, Sam blew out a breath. 

“Look, the more you complain, the more time you waste in getting out of here.”

Sam noted his brother’s reluctant frown as he pushed off the curb.

“The next city we hit, you’re buying me a round of beers,” Dean muttered. “Or TEN.”

“Fine,” Sam said. 

 

As they walked endless blocks through the heart of New York City, Dean grumbled incessantly under his breath the entire time. Sam heaved a sigh as he kept his eye on the time and the direction of his destination. After another six blocks, Sam bolted to a stop in front of the double door entrance. Dean nearly crashed into his brother from the abrupt stop. He glowered at Sam for awhile before his eyes took notice of the building they were perched in front of.

“What is this?”

Sam drew an amused grin. 

“It’s the Empire State Building Dean.”

Dean scoffed sharply as he drove his hands in his pockets.

“I know it’s the damn Empire State building,” he barked. “What the hell are we doing here?”

Sam gave a casual shrug as he ambled inside.

“I thought since we’re in New York we could do some sight seeing,” he reasoned. “We haven’t really taken a whole lot of time to just do that.”

Dean glared at Sam with deep curiosity as Sam weaved into a line near the elevators.

“Sight seeing?”

“Yeah Dean, New York is full of historical sights to see,” Sam mused. 

Dean shined his incredulousness. 

“We’ve been here over a week and you didn’t think to take in these ‘sights’ on your own?” he asked coarsely.

“You’ve been out a lot and today is the first time you’ve been around,” Sam replied. “I figured we could do some....brotherly stuff.”

Sam moved up in the line as his brother’s scowl didn’t waver.

“Brotherly stuff? Are you kidding me?” Dean asked with complete disbelief.

Sam heaved a sigh. “No. I never got to see New York as a kid when dad was always blazing through. I begged him to stop for awhile but he kept saying we’d come back and we never did. This is my chance to really absorb the culture and the history so can’t you just go with me? Do you really have a problem with this?”

“Yeah, I do Sam,” Dean groused. “I still feel like shit and wanted to get the hell out of here but instead you swindled me into going to the top of some stupid building in some stupid city. I just want to go and get back to work.”

“Well, maybe if you hadn’t gotten so drunk last night you’d be in better shape right now,” Sam said sternly.

Dean rubbed his weary eyes and yawned wide as he absorbed his brother’s serious expression.

“I can’t believe you want to do this,” he moaned.

“Hey, you wanted to come to New York,” Sam pointed as he edged further up the line.

“Yeah but not to stand on top of a damn building, I came here to.....”

“To what? Humiliate Barney Stinson?”

“His name is Stencil,” Dean clarified sharply. “Asswipe and Douche Bag are also acceptable.”

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed. Dean shook his head as he took in Sam’s scolding frown.

“You wouldn’t understand Sam.”

Sam moved up further in the long line as he regarded his brother.

“Then make me understand Dean,” he requested. “Tell me what the reasoning is behind taunting some guy in a suit.”

Dean balked and glared at Sam in disbelief. 

“Dude, you met him. He’s annoying as hell.”

Sam blew out another heavy sigh.

“You really don’t think I remember do you Dean?”

“Remember what, exactly,” Dean said evasively.

Sam shook his head as he moved a step in the line.

“The girl you met in Ohio,” Sam imparted. “The one you were in love with.”

Dean stared at Sam for a long minute before he shifted into a frown.

“Dude, I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about,” he remarked sharply. 

“We were working a case a few hours outside of Cleveland. You went out to a bar afterwards. I didn’t see you until the next morning but you were as giddy as a school girl for a couple of months actually and then....something happened with Barney.”

Dean feigned a clueless look.

“Giddy as a school girl? I think you were smoking something Sam, cuz I don’t remember any of this.”

Sam rolled his eyes. 

“I know you do Dean and I know there is something more behind this whole Barney hating thing than just your dislike of his personality.”

Dean studied Sam for a moment and frowned with resentment.

“What the hell do you think you know about it? Stencil is a poor substitute of a man, he hides behind those designer suits so he can feel better about himself. But all he really is a one giant douche bag, tie or no tie.”

Sam nodded firmly. 

“Yeah Dean, I know Barney has wronged you.”

Sam watched his brother’s eyes flare with resentment.

“Oh really, and what is it you think you know?”

Sam eyed the line as it moved closer to the elevators.

“Look, I’ll explain everything once we get to the top,” he said. 

Dean took a step back in line.

“No, you tell me now or you can walk yourself to our next job,” Dean warned.

Sam dropped his eyes for a second and sighed.

“Why do I get the feeling you brought me here for reasons other than spending some brotherly bonding time? What the hell am I really doing here?”

Sam hitched his eyes and glared at Dean.

“I told you Dean,” he said. “I want you to go up there with me. It’s important, okay?”

After a long moment of circumspect, Dean drew out a sigh and shook his head.

“Fine,” he said. “But then we ARE blowing this town.”

 

 

As Barney, Lily and Buffy strolled around the top of the Empire State Building, Ted, Marshall and Robin met up with them. A table was set up behind a folding partition near one corner of the roof. 

Ted held up a brown bag and dropped it on the table.

“Got the beers.”

Marshall dropped two white bags on the table.

“Got the burgers, extra bacony and cheesy per your request,” he said as he smiled at Buffy.

Robin rummaged through her purse and took out a small white box with a red bow on it. She put the box on the table. 

“And I got the bullets.”

The gang stared at her in wonder. 

“Hey, you put me in charge of getting a gift,” she reasoned.

Barney glanced at his watch and smiled.

“It is almost time for your grand date,” he said.

Buffy gulped with mass apprehension as she saw a wave of tourists exiting the elevators.

“Oh god, what do I say?” 

Ted stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“You could start with ‘hi’,” he suggested. 

“He’ll take one look at you and then magic will happen,” Lily said.

“Yeah, fate will do its work,” Marshall.

Barney watched the crowd emerging from another elevator and picked out two faces.

“Show time,” he said. 

Lily waved her hands in excitement.

“Oh! Come on guys, we need to hide and discreetly spy!”

Lily snatched Marshall’s hand and tugged him away. Ted and Robin followed behind as Barney took a moment with Buffy.

 

 

Sam casually glanced around the rooftop as he followed a group out of the elevators. He looked over at his brother’s dismayed frown and heaved a sigh.

“Could you try and enjoy yourself?” he pleaded.

Dean shook his head and grumbled under his breath.

“Come on Dean, you have to admit, that is an amazing view.”

Sam pointed to the skyline, painted with the beams of the sunset and smiled. He wandered over to the edge and took a long look out.

“Yeah, it’s great,” Dean said flatly. “Can we go now?”

“No, um, not yet.”

“Why not?”

Sam shifted anxiously in his stance as the tourist crowd milled around the roof. When he spotted Barney strolling over, he heaved a sigh of relief.

“There is someone that wants to see you,” Sam cited. 

Sam looked passed his brother. Dean eyed him curiously before swinging around. He immediately deepened his disgruntled frown.

“What the hell?”

Barney gave a cordial smile.

“Hello Ja......Dean,” he said.

Dean silently fumed at his brother as he pivoted toward the elevators.

“Let’s go Sam,” he barked.

“Dean, wait,” Sam posed.

“No, I’m tired of waiting Sam,” Dean shot. “I want to get out of this friggin’ town – NOW.”

Sam clapped a hand on his brother’s shoulder.

“We will,” he said. “But first, there is something Barney wants to say to you.”

Dean snorted derisively as he eyed Barney in another pretentious suit.

“Oh, well unless it’s I am a Giant Douche Bag, then I don’t want to hear it,” he snapped.

Dean narrowed his eyes on Barney. Barney looked off briefly before settling his eyes on Dean. He shaded with a humbled expression.

“I am a giant douche bag,” Barney stated.

Dean blinked in mass surprise before falling into a deep disbelief.

“What did you say?!”

Dean rubbed his face with a hand.

“I guess I’m not quite sober yet,” he muttered.

Barney slowly approached Dean as Sam casually drifted away to admire the skyline.

“Look Stencil, I am really not in the mood to deal with your crap,” Dean groaned.

“Perhaps I could help....lift your spirits?”

“I seriously doubt you could,” Dean said coarsely. “Now go away.”

Dean turned his back on Barney.

“I came here to make amends,” Barney said.

Dean shot his eyes over his shoulder and gave a snarky laugh.

“Really? So you’re jumping then?”

Barney let out a sigh as he glanced at the partition in the far corner.

“I came here to return something that I took from you,” Barney said softly.

After a brief moment, Dean swung fully around and stared at Barney in wonder.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Barney drew a rueful look as he sucked in a deep breath.

“I have done a very great injustice to you Jacket Dean,” he stated. “And for that, I am truly sorry for hurting you.”

Dean shined his astonishment as he whipped his eyes around the roof.

“Am I on candid camera?” he asked. “Are you messing with my head Stencil cuz I will kick your ass.”

Barney heaved another sigh.

“I have broken the jacket and I have set out to fix it,” he said. 

“This cryptic talk ain’t helping my mood,” Dean snapped.

“Perhaps it is better if you just take a look over there,” Barney said as he pointed to the partition. “I mean, you’re already late.”

Dean cast a brief glance at a partition set up in the far corner of the roof. A line of red rope sectioned off the area from the tourists. 

“Late for what?”

Barney remained cool, drawing a wide smile.

“For your date with destiny,” he said.

Dean glared at Barney with deep bewilderment. Sam, who had heard the conversation from his location, sighed loudly. He shifted around and glanced at his brother.

“Dean, please, just go,” he replied.

Dean threw Sam a dubious frown.

“You were in on whatever this is,” he assessed sharply.

“Yeah,” Sam admitted. “But for good reason. So please Dean, just go over there.”

Dean took in the looks from Sam and Barney before shaking his head.

“Fine,” he sighed.

Barney flashed a proud smile as Dean wandered over to the partition. As he swung a leg over the red rope, he saw the illumination of a female silhouette behind the partition. With his curiosity peaked, he ambled around the partition and then froze with immense astonishment at the girl sitting at a table, looking out at the skyline. 

Buffy shifted her eyes from the skyline when she heard footsteps approaching. She inhaled a deep breath as her heartbeat thundered in her throat. Dean was staring back at her with a mixture of bewilderment and disbelief.

For a long moment, the two simply gazed at each other in silence. 

 

The gang huddled a few feet away, darting their heads over the throng of people. Lily pushed off her toes, dodging her head from left to right. She growled in frustration as a wide man with long hair obstructed her view.

“Ugh, Wolfman over there is blocking my view! Can you see Dean’s face?”

Marshall shined a goofy grin. 

“Yeah! He looks shocked.”

“But happy right?”

Marshall furrowed his brows. 

“I don’t know, he’s just.....frozen.”

“Well, it’s been a long time since he’s seen her,” Ted said. “The shock is going to take awhile to settle in.”

Sam and Barney strolled over and craned looks.

“Oh, wow,” Sam said. “I haven’t seen that look on my brother’s face since we had this case.......”

Sam gulped, suddenly aware of his company. The gang looked at him with curious looks.

“Uh, a case of um......mumps,” he covered.

After a set of strange looks, the gang turned their eyes to the fruits of their labor. Lily jumped and tried to crane her neck over the Wolfman. 

“Oh, let’s get closer!” she moaned.

 

 

As the silence lingered, Buffy swallowed a dry lump in her throat and recalled Ted’s wise advice.

“Uh, hi,” she managed to say. 

Her eyes widened at the squeakiness in her tone as Dean remained still at the edge of the partition, still staring at her intently. After another awkward moment of silence, he finally seemed to show signs of life, blinking rapidly out of his daze.

“Summers,” he said softly.

Dean shook his head emphatically.

“I mean.....Mrs........Collier.......” he corrected glumly. “Sorry.”

Buffy recalled Lily’s wise advice. She slowly drew in long breaths as Dean still remained where he was.

“Um, it’s just Buffy,” she clarified.

Buffy gripped the edges of the tablecloth, feeling the emotion gathering in her eyes as she looked at Dean. She drew in more breaths, more ragged and frantic this time. 

Dean glanced at the table and noticed the lit lantern in the center and the table set for two. As a gust of wind picked up and blew his way, his nose was hit with the familiar tantalizing scent of bacon and cheese. He stared at the collection of white bags on the table before his eyes drifted over to Buffy. 

Seeing his eyes noticing the bags, Buffy jumped on the opportunity to break more ice.

“Are you hungry? Can I um, interest you in a burger?”

She yanked out two containers and flipped off the lids to show the huge bacon cheeseburgers nestled inside a bed of steak fries. She felt her heart dancing when she saw his eyes spark with enticement. 

Dean cocked his head in contemplation despite feeling numb and confused. As the aroma of his favorite meal lingered in his nose, he felt the corners of his mouth breaking into a grin.

“You know it,” he said.

Dean pushed toward the table as the burger practically serenaded him. When he came within an inch of the empty chair, he bolted to a stop. Buffy gulped when his gleeful smile sharply faded.

“Wait a second,” he said. “What’s going on? Shouldn’t you.......be dining with your......”

Dean let out a heavy sigh and backed away, shifting toward the partition exit. When he noticed Sam and Marshall standing like giraffes in the middle of a crowd, he frowned with suspicion. He took in Marshall’s goofy grin as he animatedly bounced up and down. As some of the people in the crowd moved along, Dean caught sight of Lily, Robin and Ted. 

“Jesus,” he mumbled. “So everyone was in on.....whatever this is.”

“Um, Dean?”

Dean shifted back around. Buffy yanked out a cold beer from another white bag and set it on the table. As his curious rose, he drifted back over to the table but didn’t take a seat. 

“Burgers, beer, a hot chick, normally that would add up to something.....”

Dean gripped the top of the chair as he tried to keep his eyes off Buffy.

“But considering you’re.......”

Buffy reached under the table and revealed a small portable stereo. She pushed the play button and Dean shined his surprise again when he heard Led Zeppelin softly bleating out of the speakers.

“Okay, I’d really like to wake up now,” he muttered.

Buffy exuded an apologetic look as she eyed the empty space across from her.

“If you just sit, I can explain.......please?”

“Like where the Mister is?”

“There is no Mister,” she said.

Taking in the heavy wonder in his expression, she pushed the burger closer to his end of the table.

“It’s going to get to cold,” she said. 

Dean shined his mass confusion as he slowly pulled out the chair and took a seat. As Buffy picked at her meal, Dean still hadn’t touched his. He leaned back in his chair and assessed the scene with scrutinizing eyes.

“So, you’re.......not married?”

Buffy wiped the salt from her fingers and shook her head. She inhaled a deep breath before answering.

“Um, no.....I was......I was half way down the aisle when I realized......I was still running away.....”

Buffy felt her heart doing cartwheels when she watched Dean hitching an eyebrow up in wonder.

“Running away? From.....what?”

“From – you, me, the wonder of whether I sabotaged the best thing I ever had because I got scared.......and when it hit me, I couldn’t go through with it. I was trying to convince myself I could be happy but I was just trying to bury what I lost......Dean I........I should have trusted you, I should have had faith in what we had, I wanted to believe that you and I would last but......”

As her eyes welled with tears, she bit them back, drawing in a huge breath.

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you that night I accused of you of cheating on me,” she confessed. “My friends warned me about you but I refused to listen to them. And then.....all it took was one obnoxious guy in a suit to show me what I feared deep down inside......”

“What?”

Buffy heaved another breath before she recalled the events back in Ohio.

 

A short time later, Buffy glanced at Dean to gauge his reaction.

“So Barney was the reason I took off,” she stated.

“Yeah, I know.”

Now Buffy shined her surprise.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I mean, you took off and refused to talk to me,” he said. “Everything was good up until that night at that club, so I figured something happened there.”

 

_Three and a half years ago:_

“I can’t believe you!”

“Believe what?”

Dean watched Buffy storm away in wonder. After letting it sink in, he chased her as she flew out to the parking lot. He caught her by the crook of her arm and gently pulled her back.

“Just leave me alone Dean,” she cried.

“What the hell is going on?”

“I trusted you, I gave you my heart and you threw it away!” Buffy roared as she yanked her arm from his hold. 

When he started to take after her, she glared up at him.

“No Dean, just get back in your car and hit the road and don’t ever come back!” she cried.

“Will you just wait a sec and tell me what’s going on?”

Buffy wiped her eyes, shook her head and ran off, leaving Dean standing on the corner, completely dumbfounded. As he brimmed with wonder, he charged back into the club and eyed the bartender. As the bartender served a huge crowd, Dean impatiently waited to be tended to. When the man finally came over to him, Dean leaned toward him.

“Hey man, tell me something, you remember the girl I was with? Really hot blonde in a little green top, sitting over there?”

The bartender eyed him, then nodded.

“You see anyone bothering her or anything curious?”

The bartender shrugged.

“Just some dude talking to her.”

“Really? Is that dude still here?”

The bartender looked around the dwindling patrons in the club. 

“No.”

“Can you describe him?”

The bartender shrugged. 

“He was in a suit and tie.”

“A suit and tie?”

“Yeah, I saw him hitting on some other random hotties in here too.”

“Huh, interesting.”

Dean swept his eyes around the club and noticed a surveillance camera hidden above a light hanging over the dance floor. 

“Say man, you keep that surveillance camera running twenty-four seven?”

“Yeah, why you ask?”

“No reason.”

 

 

Back on the rooftop, the sun was bleeding further into the horizon as most of the crowds began to disperse toward the elevators. 

“Oh, so um, you pulled the surveillance tape?”

Buffy pushed the food around in her container as Dean gave his a glance before drawing his eyes to hers.

“Yeah, I saw him trying to hook you in and then I noticed that annoying smile on his face as you ran out of the bar and it all added up that he did something. I just didn’t know what.....until now. Sonofabitch.”

Dean picked up the beer and took a long sip, eyeing the darkening skyline. 

“You never hit on that waitress?” 

Dean shifted his eyes to Buffy and downed another long sip.

“I never even noticed the waitress,” he said softly. “Why would I? I was out with a hot chick who can kick ass.”

Dean tried to force a smile or a laugh but all he could manage was a sorrowful look. Buffy heaved a breath as her rueful expression deepened.

“I believed Barney’s word, a complete stranger over a guy who I was crazy about,” she lamented. “And I’m sorry, I really screwed it up, I should have let you explain, it’s just, when I saw you and then that slutty waitress both with wrinkled clothing, I just assumed.....”

“Wrinkled clothing?”

Dean hitched his head in acknowledgment.

“Oh, right, I got in a little bar fight on the way to the men’s room.”

“A bar fight? Really? Why?”

“I overheard some prick talking about your ass and let’s just say, I didn’t like it.”

Buffy stared at Dean in awe as he drank some more beer.

“You beat him up over me?”

Dean gave a casual shrug as he finally picked up his burger.

“The guy was a prick,” he reasoned.

After taking a bite into the huge burger, Dean brightened with a gleeful smile.

“Oh my god,” he moaned. “This is one of the best burgers I have ever had!”

“Oh um, Marshall said it’s the best burger in New York.”

“Well, I agree.”

Dean took another big bite and stuffed some fries in his mouth at the same time. Buffy absorbed a sight she had sorely missed and abruptly giggled. 

“I’ve missed you,” she blurted out.

Dean paused in his chewing and sat back in his chair. The joy from his face fell flat. After chewing and swallowing, he gripped his beer as Buffy shaded red.

“I guess we have a lot to talk about,” she said.

Buffy watched Dean as he sighed and polished off his beer. He rolled the empty beer bottle in his hand as Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“Unless um.....you don’t want to,” she added. “I mean, I wasn’t really sure I should even come out here but then Barney convinced me I should at least get some peace of mind, and try and give you some too, especially since........since I never really got over you. So um......that’s why I came to talk to you......to see if you wanted to talk about this too.”

Dean pushed his bottle aside and simply stared at Buffy for a long moment.

“Well, the thing is, I really don’t want to talk,” he admitted softly.

Buffy heaved a soft gasp of disappointment as the moisture in her eyes welled. She dropped her eyes and tried to contain her emotions as Dean continued.

“Because when I look at you,” he added. “Looking like that, I want to put you on this plate.”

Buffy let out another soft gasp as she raised her eyes.

“Cuz DA-MN girl, you are a buffet of hotness,” he cheered as he raked his eyes over her several times.

Buffy let out yet another soft gasp when Dean drew a wide, mischievous smirk. As his smirk lingered, Buffy burst into giggles, shaking her head.

“And you haven’t changed,” she said. 

“Nope, and I’m proud of it,” Dean acceded as he cracked open another beer. 

After sinking back some beer, Dean glanced at the burgers and the tape player.

“Burgers, beer, Zeppelin Four, you really know how to woo a guy,” he joked.

Buffy giggled briefly as she reached into her purse.

“That reminds me, I have a gift for you too,” she said.

Buffy placed the white box with bow on the table and pushed it toward Dean. He eyed the box curiously as he dug open the lid. He blinked in surprise when he saw the contents.

“Ammo huh? Way better than a boring tie or something.”

Buffy drank in the sight of Dean breaking into amused laughter as he pocketed the box of bullets.

“Thanks, it’s just what I needed,” he said. “I guess Ted and the gang really went all out for this huh?”

“Yeah um, I never thought I’d be sitting on top of the city, with you...”

“Yeah, I guess that says something.”

“I guess it does but um......the jury is still out as to what cuz um, Marshall and Lily go on and on about miracles and signs but Robin says it’s just coincidence and.....”

“Oh, well I know what it says but you have to ‘drop in’ to find out.”

Buffy heaved a breath as she took in the brilliant spark in his eyes. 

“Oh um, you don’t mind if I......drop in?”

“Let’s just say, if you did, I wouldn’t kick you out.”

Buffy dropped her napkin on the table and slowly pushed her chair out from the table. She eyed Dean as he gazed at her intently while making her way over to him. She sucked in a breath and gently sat in his lap. 

“So um, what does it say?” she asked.

Dean exaggerated a casual look as she reminded herself to keep breathing.

“Well, it’s better if I just.....”

Buffy felt her heart explode as Dean cupped her chin and drew her mouth to his, kissing her passionately against the backdrop of the sunset. She melted completely away, slipping her arms tightly around him, kissing him back when something cut through the blissful silence.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” rang out a unison of coos.

Dean pulled back and shifted his eyes to see Ted, Lily, Marshall, Barney, Sam and Robin huddled by the edge of the partition, watching and sharing silly expressions. As Lily snapped a photo, Dean frowned with dismay at the gang.

“Do you mind?!”

Lily drew a giddy smile when she reviewed the photo on her camera and displayed it to Marshall.

Buffy drew Dean back to her eyes.

“Maybe we should go somewhere else and talk.....”

“Or you can ravage each other right here,” Lily said. “In five minutes, it’s after hours and we can all distract the security guards.......”

Barney hitched his head up in reflection. 

“Oh, if there is a hot one, I can keep her busy with my awesomeness.”

Dean heaved a sigh and shook his head. Buffy slipped out of his lap and eyed the gang.

“Thanks for all your help guys and setting up tonight but um, I think we’ll handle it from here.”

Buffy picked up the burgers, Dean picked up the beer and the two eyed each other for a moment before extending their hands toward each other. Lily nearly fainted as the two reunited lovers joined hands and slowly strolled over to the elevators.

“Awwwwwwwwwwww!” the gang burst in unison again.

Dean shook his head as he walked in to the elevator after Buffy. As the doors began sliding shut, the two locked eyes, dropped the bags from their hands and fell into a heavy lip lock.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwww!” the gang cooed in unison.

Lily clutched her heart as Marshall widened his goofy grin.

“What an amazing miracle,” Marshall cried, wiping his eyes.

Robin rolled her eyes to which Marshall shifted into a frown.

“Oh come on, you HAVE to believe in miracles now,” he reasoned as he followed the gang toward the elevators.

Ted glanced at Sam.

“So Sam, want to join us for beers at the pub?”

Sam shrugged. “Sure, why not, it’s still early and my brother and Buffy are off to um.....talk.”

Lily shined a silly smile. 

“Ah, another happy love match,” she chimed. “I still got it.”

Barney frowned. “Excuse me? I did all the work”

The gang spurted with conversation as they piled into an elevator. 

 

 

Back at the pub, the gang plus Sam raised their glasses.

“A toast to true love reuniting,” Ted posed.

“To true love enduring even from the malicious intent of a suit,” Lily added.

“Yes, to ME!” Barney roared. 

The gang shrugged and clicked glasses. 

“Oh, they have so much to catch up on and talk about,” Lily sighed. “In between all that kissing.”

Marshall dipped his head and grinned. 

“Yeah,” he sighed. “They’ll probably be up all night talking”

Sam gulped down some of his beer.

“Uh, right.”

 

Meanwhile at the Roosevelt hotel:

 

Buffy and Dean popped their heads out from under the bed sheet, beaming with goofy grins. Dean mocked a surprised expression as he glanced around the bed.

“Woah, look at that, we talked all our clothes off, how the hell did that happen?”

Buffy simply widened her goofy grin as she snuggled closer to Dean.

“I don’t know but I um, I still have some more stuff I want to um, talk about......”

“Oh, really, well, why don’t you ‘drop in’ and we’ll hash this out some more.”

Dean flashed a smirk as he pulled Buffy back under the covers. After a moment, Dean popped his head out and looked around the room with scrutinizing eyes. When he was satisfied, he scooted back under the covers to meet Buffy’s curious look.

“What was that about?”

“Oh just checking to make sure we were still alone. Now, what do you want to talk about next?”


	8. Farewell My Sweet Jacket

Very late the next afternoon, Sam strolled into MacClaren’s pub and was waved over by Ted. 

“Hey guys, have you seen my brother? I’m supposed to meet him here,” he said.

Ted nodded toward a booth in a corner. Sam followed Ted’s sights to the corner of the pub as a group of girls blocked his view. When the girls dispersed, he saw Buffy and his brother huddled together in the booth, both glowing immensely. Buffy was nestled under Dean’s arm, feeding him fries and adoring him with smiles. Dean munched on the fries she fed him, fervently pulling her onto his mouth for a kiss after every bite. 

“Aw, look at them!” Lily sighed in glee.

As the public display lingered on, Sam couldn’t help but stare for awhile.

“Normally, I would tell him to get a room,” Sam stated. “But I kind of don’t mind seeing it, I mean, my brother is happy and I’m happy for him.”

Sam pulled a chair up to the table and took a seat.

“Yeah, and to think we all had a hand in getting them back together,” Lily sighed.

Barney frowned with offense. 

“Hello, it was I, Barney the Magnificent! I waved my wand and created a magical moment for Jacket and his girl.”

“Yeah, you did Barney,” Ted acceded. “You fixed what you messed up.”

Marshall hitched his large finger to the back of his ear lobe.

“What’s that? I hear a.......slap bet in the distance!”

Marshall drew a goofy grin as Barney gulped with anxiety. He slumped in his chair and moped.

“Okay, okay,” Barney acknowledged. “One second.”

Barney shook out the ice in his glass into a napkin and balled it up.

“It’s not here yet,” Marshall stated. “You just have to sit there and wait for it to arrive.”

Barney got up and wandered to the bar. Carl dropped a glass of aged scotch in front of him.

“I didn’t order this,” Barney said.

“It’s from the couple in the corner booth,” Carl said.

Barney swung his eyes to the corner of the bar and drew a look of astonishment.

“Oh, well, wow.”

Barney picked up the scotch, took a sip and grinned. He skipped over to the corner table and perched as the make out session continued. As he scooped Buffy into his lap, Dean sighed, catching an annoying presence in his periphery.

“.....what do you want Stencil?” he asked gruffly.

Dean reluctantly shifted his eyes away from Buffy. 

“Dean, remember what we talked about?” she asked softly.

Dean met her eyes as she swept a finger across his cheek and smiled. He heaved a sigh of acknowledgement and glanced at Barney.

“Right,” he said. “Uh, can I help you......Bar.....ney?”

Dean widened his eyes in awe.

“That’s weird to say it,” he muttered.

Barney adjusted his tie and raised his glass.

“I just wanted to say thanks for the scotch,” he said.

“Oh, uh, wasn’t my idea but, no problem.”

Dean turned back to Buffy as she gazed lovingly at him. He hooked a thumb under chin and pulled her mouth into a long kiss. Barney smiled with satisfaction. 

“You two are the pinnacle of awesome in love,” he remarked. “Cheers.”

Barney took a sip and ambled away from the booth.

 

A little while later, after Sam and the gang shared conversation over burgers and beers, Dean strolled over with Buffy nestled under his arm.

“You ready to go Sam?”

“Yeah,” Sam said as he got up. “It was nice meeting you all and.....conspiring.”

Sam gave a wave as the gang exchanged various acknowledgments. Lily clutched her heart as she gawked at the reunited couple.

“Oh, you two are just the cutest,” she said. 

“Yeah, don’t forget about us when you send those wedding invitations out,” Marshall said. “Seriously don’t.”

Marshall shined a hurt look as Buffy shaded bright and gulped.

“Anyways, we gotta get going,” Dean cut in.

“Okay, don’t forget to slap Barney goodbye,” Marshall said casually.

Barney did a double take. “What?”

Marshall waved his big hand. 

“Oh, I decided, after what you did to break up Dean and Buffy, I would pass my fifth and final slap bet to him.”

Barney gulped with apprehension as Dean regarded Marshall.

“Are you sure man? I kind of like the idea of you holding that over his head for the next ten, twenty years.”

Marshall nodded. “Yeah, I want to give it to you.”

“But....you, you can’t do that!” Barney protested. “Slap bets aren’t transferable.”

“Let’s take it to the Slap Bet Commissioner,” Marshall said.

Barney stared at Lily.

“I have mulled over the situation and I will allow it,” Lily declared. “Slap bet goes to Jacket for being swindled by a Suit.”

Barney gasped. “No! He’s not part of the group! You can’t.”

Lily pounded her fist on the table like a gavel. 

“It’s already done. Slap away Jacket.”

Barney gasped inaudibly as he stared at Dean who shined a smirk. Barney clutched his ice pack and gulped. 

“Oh fine,” Barney moaned. “Just get it over with.”

Dean wound back his hand as Barney flinched. When he didn’t feel the sting of a slap, he opened his eyes to see Dean with a conflicted look.

“I can’t believe this but, I don’t want to do this,” he said.

Barney sighed in great relief.

“It just isn’t right,” Dean added. “It shouldn’t be me.”

Dean shifted his eyes to Buffy as the gang looked on.

“I want you to do it,” he said with a smile.

Buffy widened her eyes in disbelief.

“Me?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve been sticking it to the Suit for years, but you haven’t had any rewarding torment so, I insist. Take my slap bet.”

Dean winked at her as the gang watched. 

“Um, I don’t know,” Buffy said apprehensively.

Barney snorted in amusement and tossed the ice bag over his shoulder.

“Well, I don’t need this then,” he said. “What a waste of a slap.”

Buffy glared at Barney and in a flash, whipped him hard across the face. Barney staggered back in his chair, falling to the ground. He stared up at Buffy in shock as he rubbed his stinging cheek. Dean chuckled as he soaked in the sight of Barney’s complete humiliation. 

“Oh, um wow, I guess I got um carried away,” Buffy said innocently. 

The gang shined their awe as Dean pivoted toward the door and eyed Sam.

“Come on Sam, let’s go.”

Sam nodded as he got to his feet. 

“It was nice meeting everyone.”

As Barney nursed his cheek, the gang bid their goodbyes. Dean nodded to the gang as Buffy took his hand.

“Erickson, Lily,” Dean said. “Mosby, Scherbatsky. It’s been fun. Maybe we’ll see ya.”

Dean snickered as he glanced at Barney still licking his wounds.

“Sten......”

Barney frowned in anticipation as Buffy shook her head at Dean. He heaved another sigh.

“Right, no more ‘Stencil’, I’m officially putting that to rest,” he said.

Barney shined his relief as Sam headed for the door. Dean flashed a smile at Barney.

“So see ya........Swarley,” he cracked.

Barney widened his eyes in shock and disgust as Dean chuckled on his way out the door.

“How.....how did......”

Barney glanced at the gang until they exuded sheepish looks.

“He twisted our arms,” Lily moaned.

 

Several days ago:

“So, any funny stories about Stencil?” Dean asked.

Marshall drew a goofy grin.

“Oh yeah, plenty! You think calling him ‘Stencil’ annoys him, you should try a number of variations of ‘Swarley’,” Marshall imparted.

“Swarley?” Dean repeated, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

 

Back to the present, Marshall gulped.

“Yeah, he totally twisted our arms,” he said.

 

Outside the pub, Sam glanced at his brother in wonder before studying Buffy.

“Oh, there’s something you should know about my hot little blonde,” Dean said with a grin. “She’s stronger than you think.”

“Ugh,” Buffy groaned.

“What’s up?”

“Demon in that alley across the street, I guess we can’t go quite yet.”

Sam widened his eyes in astonishment.

“Did you say.....demon?”

Buffy fished out a stake from her purse and glanced up at Dean.

“You guys coming?”

“Yeah, you bet.”

Dean extracted his knife and stepped off the curb, gauging Sam’s increasing look of wonder.

“Did I forget to mention that she not only knows about demons but uh, she’s been fighting ‘em for years?”

Sam furrowed his brows. 

“No, I think I would have remembered if you did.”

As they reached the alley, Sam shined his awe when he saw a flash of blonde pummeling the demon with immense skill. When she got herself in a headlock, she ran up the side of the wall and flipped sheer across the demon, landing behind it.

“Woah,” Sam gasped.

Dean chuckled and widened a proud smile.

“Yeah, she’s amazing huh?”

Sam blinked out of his daze and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m beginning to understand why you were ‘giddy as a schoolgirl’ about her,” Sam cracked, drawing a smug grin.

Dean shifted out of his affable mood and glared at Sam.

“Shut up and fight Sam,” he groaned.

 

_One year later:_

Barney strolled into a nightclub filled to the walls with lovely young ladies. He adjusted his fabulous tie and grinned as he picked up his drink from the bar.

“The Barnacle is on the hunt!” he roared.

As he scoped out several prospects while weaving through the crowd, he bumped into someone.

“I don’t believe it,” groaned a voice.

Barney shifted his sights away from a delicious brunette and glanced at the person he had run into. He shined his shock when he recognized the face.

“Jacket?! You.......you suited up?”

Barney looked Dean over in his dark suit and tie with simple white shirt. Dean sighed as he stuffed a billfold in the inner pocket of his blazer. 

“Uh, yeah on occasion,” he said.

“Well,” Barney said with a smile. “Not bad.”

Dean noticed Barney sipping a martini, his stance confident and composed and his eyes shifting rapidly around the place.

“So, who you checking out?”

Barney pulled his eyes away from a prospect and glanced at Dean apprehensively.

“Uh, why are you......are you going to sink the SS Barney?”

“Just answer the question,” Dean said sharply.

Barney gulped and loosened his tie as Dean rained an intimidating glare upon him. 

“Uh.....well, I was looking at that one with the nice set of melons.”

Dean shifted his eyes over the crowd and noticed a brunette in a red sweater, with an abundance of cleavage. He shined his recognition as he leaned against the bar.

“Oh, well, forget it, you won’t be able to pry that one open even with the Jaws of Life,” he remarked.

Barney frowned with curiosity.

“Lesbian?”

“Nope, nun, DEVOUT nun.....and she talks to God.”

Barney gave a casual shrug.

“Well, sounds like a challenge,” he cheered with a grin.

Dean shook his head with a stern look.

“No, I mean she REALLY talks to God. Check it out.”

Dean nodded toward the brunette. Barney blinked in disbelief as the girl carried on an animated conversation with her glass of water, completely oblivious to the people around her. She glared disapprovingly at several girls in the bar before picking up conversation with her glass.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh,” Barney said in acknowledgment.

“Yeah, so who else?”

Barney stared at Dean in disbelief. 

“Why do you want to know?” he asked suspiciously.

Dean gave a casual shrug.

“I’m just curious.”

Barney narrowed his eyes for a moment before looking over the crowd.

“Well, the uh, strawberry blonde at three o’clock is looking very ripe for some plucking by Farmer Barney, uh huh?”

Barney grinned and nodded. Dean glanced at the strawberry blonde before quickly shaking his head.

“Unless you’re looking to spend a night in a jail cell, move on, she’s not even close to ripe, she’s.....a sprout if you know what I’m saying.”

Barney hitched his head back.

“Oh,” he sighed. “How do you know all this?”

Dean shifted in his stance as Barney studied him.

“Let’s just say I’m in the business of being......observant,” he answered.

Dean settled his eyes on a girl in the far end of the club.

“Now that one is your best chance at a quick sink man,” he said.

Barney followed Dean’s sights to a luscious, curvy blonde in a tight fitting top and skirt, carrying a sullen expression.

“She’s alone and just got dumped by her boyfriend,” Dean stated. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I heard her talking to the bartender a little earlier......you know what, wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Barney watched Dean as he weaved through the crowd and approached the blonde. He gulped with apprehension, fearing the Jacket was on the prowl again and looking to block any of his advances on the female population in the club that night. But, a few minutes later, he blinked when Dean and the blonde worked their way back him.

“Jenny, this is Dr. Hamill of the....Alderaan Family Practice. He’s the best in the business and can console you in your time of need, isn’t that right, Dr. HAMILL?”

Dean flashed a conspiratorial look at Barney. Barney opened his mouth in immense astonishment. The Jacket had just swooped in as his Wing Man. Barney cleared his throat and took on the persona of Dr. Hamill. 

“Yes, yes, that is absolutely right,” Barney affirmed. 

Dean gently ushered Jenny toward Barney.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to engage in ‘therapy’.”

Dean winked at Barney before wandering away.

 

A short time later, as Dean made his way from the manager’s office, Barney caught his attention near the door. Jenny was waiting nearby, her eyes wet with tears. 

“Hey Jacket...I mean, Dean.....I just want to say......thanks,” Barney said. “You uh......you can be my wingman anytime.”

Barney drew a genuine smile of appreciation. Dean blinked with acknowledgment as he let out a laugh. He cracked an amused grin and nodded.

“Bullshit, you can be mine,” he added before bursting into more laughter.

Dean pivoted toward the exit doors.

“Oh, one more thing, I hope this is the last time I EVER see you, get my drift?”

Barney watched the affable smile on Dean’s face shift into an icy glare.

“Yes, I will not interfere with the Jacket and his Jacket Lady again,” he vowed.

“Good,” Dean replied as he pushed down the curb.

 

Dean breezed through a motel room and smiled at Buffy as she pecked at a lap top on the bed.

“Hey, Sam still at the university library?”

“Mmm hmm,” Buffy said. “But he called a few minutes ago said he’d try to be back in about an hour.”

“Yeah, did you find out anything from the night manager?”

“Yep, pulled some surveillance tapes, talked to a couple of witnesses that were there that night, turns out there was a shift change minutes before the thing went down in the alley. I’ll get into it all when Sam gets back.”

Dean peeled off his jacket and loosened his tie as he settled onto the bed next to Buffy.

“And uh, you’ll never guess who I ran into while I was there....”

 

Five minutes later:

Buffy widened her eyes in mass surprise after Dean related his encounter with Barney.

“So you got Barney....um, a date? You didn’t pick on him or anything?”

“No, uh, actually, in a weird way we were kind of uh......hanging out.”

Dean widened his eyes in disbelief.

“Who the hell am I?!”

Dean reeled a little more disbelief as he shook his head. He scooted back to the headboard, pulling Buffy with him.

“Well, that was nice of you,” she said. “Not that I’m um, all that jazzed about you um.....scoping out girls......”

Dean waved a hand through the air.

“I wasn’t scoping ‘em out for me,” he stressed. 

“Yeah, you were helping Barney.”  
Dean widened his eyes in disbelief again.

“Yeah, who would have believed it,” he replied. “I didn’t even intend to it just kind of happened. I mean after everything........I guess I was just, paying it forward you know? And.....I’ve been in a good mood lately. I wonder why that is.....”

Dean looked off and feigned a look of wonder before his eyes set back on Buffy. 

“So, Sam will be back in an hour huh?”

Buffy gulped when she saw the intense spark of interest flare up in his eyes.

“Yeah, um, about that long,” Buffy answered.

Dean drew a mischievous smile over his face.

“Well, we’ve uh got some time to kill......or....make up for.”

Buffy beamed a goofy grin as Dean pulled her down onto the bed.

 

One week later:

Marshall and Lily strolled into the pub and joined Barney, Ted and Robin at their usual table. Marshall clutched a manila envelope as he took a seat. 

“What’s that?” Ted asked.

“Oh, it came to my office yesterday,” Marshall said. “I haven’t had a chance to open it.”

Lily glanced at the lack of return address.

“It’s just junk mail Marsh,” she said.

 

Marshall tore at the envelope seal and looked inside. He stuffed his big hand inside and pulled out a small vial. The gang narrowed their eyes and stared at the contents.

“Is that a......tooth?” Ted asked.

Lily took the opened envelope and looked inside.

“Hey, there’s a note.”

Lily took out the note and opened it up.

“Oh, it’s from Dean, he says that’s a.......”

Marshall glanced over the note.

“A werewolf fang?!” he finished.

Marshall gaped with excitement as he took a closer look.

“Wow!”

Robin scoffed. “Yeah right, it’s probably some dime store vampire fang he bought as a joke.”

Ted stared at the vial intently.

“That kind of looks like.....blood.”

“So he added food coloring to it,” Robin reasoned.

Marshall gripped the vial protectively and scowled at Robin. Robin snatched the note and read it.

“Oh see? It says here it ‘might’ be a werewolf fang, that doesn’t mean it is.”

Robin picked up the manila envelope and scrutinized it.

“And look at the postmark, it was mailed on April FIRST, April Fools? He was joking.”

Marshall shook his head in disapproval.

“No, he wouldn’t do that to me,” Marshall replied. “He’s a believer. And if he thinks it’s a werewolf fang, than I believe it is too. Your ignorant input falls on deaf ears.”

Robin rolled her eyes as Barney looked off in reflection.

“Well, that was cool that Dean thought enough to send you....that,” Ted said.

“Yeah, he’s awesome,” Marshall said. “I......I kind of miss him.....and that charming smile of his.”

Seeing the awkward looks, Marshall cleared his throat.

“You know, if I was a girl, I would.”

“Jacket......” Barney muttered.

The gang drew their eyes to Barney in wonder. Barney tapped his fingers on the table and drew a smile.

“He’s not so bad, Jacket,” Barney said.

Barney widened his smile as the gang drifted onto another topic of conversation.

 

_And that kids is the story of how the notorious Suit and Jacket made amends_


End file.
